How to Ask For a Raise at Work
I don’t know about you, but having to ask for a raise brings me to an instant state of anxiety.
Public speaking? No problem.
Singing off-key for five years in grammar school chorus? Whatever. Give me the microphone.
Parasailing to celebrate my divorce? No big deal.
Flying in a plexi-glass helicopter over a volcano? Bring it on.
Asking for a raise? <gasp!> Can I have my blankie?
So, imagine how happy I was to be able to schedule a Skype interview (below) with Dr. Diane L. Katz, Ph.D., author of Win at Work: The Everybody Wins Approach to Conflict Resolution. In her book (which I did receive for free – my required disclosure 
), she covers many salient work related topics, such as conflict resolution, dealing with a micro-managing boss, and how to ask for a raise.
I couldn’t resist interviewing Dr. Katz about that last one – and she has graciously agreed that if any of my readers have any specific questions or need advice on a particular situation, she will be happy to offer back some advice if you post your question here!!
Take a listen to the interview (posted below), be sure to post any questions you may have, and check out her book and her website at http://www.theworkingcircle.com or her blog here (the book is also available at Borders, Barnes and Noble, and Amazon).
Have a super day -
Swati
Dating Raj
I am so honored today to have my post, titled Dating Raj featured by my bloggy friend and author, Tiia Jones! Tiia’s blog focuses on life and dating as a single mom so I went into my diary to write up another tale of woe from my dating files – I think you’ll get some laughs out of it. Feel free to leave comments at either or both sites – and definitely tell us about your dating days too!
Swati
Single Mom Watches in Horror as Her Local Starbucks is Repeatedly Violated
Scene One, 7:17am:
Single mom peacefully sitting outside local Starbucks with Orzo (our six-month old Cavalier puppy) one Friday morning…daughter inside getting herself banana bread and getting me a decaf coffee.
Scene Two, 2 minutes later:
Disheveled stranger with adorable grey poodle plops at the table next to me. Opens laptop and begins clicking away.
I feel a stare and look over at him, casually. He is staring at me, not at all casually.
”I’m working until the coffee line goes down. That’s why I don’t have anything yet.”
Oooo…kay? Okay. I only stare back.
Said poodle looks antsy. Why? Running all over the place – more than my puppy, more than my daughter at age four when she drank almost a full pitcher of lemonade. Oh. Puppy really needs to go! Owner bangs away at laptop. Click clack, click clack.
Scene Three, 1 minute later:
Poodle begins running all over the place, first pees twice within 6 inches of my foot, then on a Starbucks chair then tangles into Orzo’s leash, where he pees again. Owner *very* busy at laptop, notices nothing. Poodle pees again, at the table his master is typing away at!
Click clack click clack! (Intense typing now)
Scene Four, 1 minute 33 seconds later:
How long before a Barista decides dogs won’t be allowed here anymore?
Surely if he noticed his dog was going to burst he would walk him four steps to that tree right there? And pour a little water to dilute the pee on the Starbucks chair, table, and pole? Surely. Or look at all…embarrassed? Surely?
I can’t help it…so…“Ummm,” (smiling) “Excuse me? I think he may need a small walk as he keeps peeing?” Smile, blink, blink.
He smiles back, laughing “with” me. Grrr.
Then he nods in agreement. Click click, click clack! Grrr.
Click click, click clack!
Scene Five, 49 seconds later:
Poodle pees again. We run for fear of what’s coming out of said poodle next, adorable (and completely ignored) as he is.
Why I Don’t Date Men Without Children (Guest Post)
Hi Everybody:
I am so pleased to have fellow single mom and author Tiia Jones joining us today with a guest post!! Tiia is in the process of finishing her book, called Love, Alt, Delete: 237 First Dates that Changed My Life (though she’s still tweaking the title..).
I truly enjoy her posts – sometimes silly, sometimes hilarious, and sometimes so deeply moving.
You can also check out her writings and musings and flirtations at her blog….but first take a read about her mommy moment, when she realized why she doesn’t date men without kids…I think any parent can relate to this…tell us what you think.
The Wagon Incident, or Why I Don’t Date Men Without Children
First, I want to thank Swati for inviting me to be a guest poster on her terrific blog. I so enjoy her stories and insights. I’ve especially enjoyed the window that she provides into other single moms’ lives through the re-telling of their stories. So I decided to tell one of mine.
There was a time when I dated men who did not have children. I figured I’d judge them each by their individual merits. That all ended with the incident of the wagon.
I was living in Colorado Springs at the time and dating a (childless) man named John. The weather became uncharacteristically sunny and warm early in December which was a nice break from the snow and ice. John was driving to our house for dinner, and I decided to go for a run and take advantage of the nice weather.
When I left the townhouse complex, the neighborhood kids were taking turns pulling each other in a red wagon in the back courtyard. I left Leah with her favorite babysitter and as I put on my headphones I saw that she was in the wagon for her turn. After pushing myself for ten minutes—gasp, must, have, oxygen–I saw several people running in the direction from which I had come. I switched off my music and heard sirens.
“What’s happening?” I asked a tall boy running towards the townhouse complex.
“Some kid went over the ravine in a wagon,” he answered and continued running.
You hear about mothers lifting cars off of their children, but I had never experienced the adrenaline rush that accompanies the thought that something has happened to your child. To say that I sprinted the mile or so back to the courtyard would be the understatement of the decade. I ran as if my life depended on it, praying the whole time. When I got there, I looked around frantically.
At that moment, my babysitter’s mother ran up to me. “It’s ok. It wasn’t Leah. It was another little boy. Erica has her. She’s fine.”
I sat down right there on the asphalt, and I realized there were tears streaming down my cheeks. Erica walked up with Leah.
“Mommy, Jeffrey fell over into the river in the wagon,” Leah said. “Why are you crying?”
I was laughing and crying and shaking and took her in my arms, still sitting on the ground. John must have arrived during all of the commotion because he walked up and looked at me with questioning eyes. He scanned all of the people and emergency vehicles and my disheveled appearance. Erica’s mother pulled him aside and explained what had happened.
He came back over to us and smiled. “Wow that was a close one.”
“Yeah, it was terrifying. I can’t even explain it,” I said. I still couldn’t seem to get up. John put his arm around me somewhat awkwardly. He seemed embarrassed by my show of emotion. “What’s all this about?” he asked.
“I was really scared,” I answered in between choking sobs, “I thought it was her.”
“Yes,” he said through clenched teeth and with forced patience, “but it wasn’t. So it’s ok.”
I stared at him for a long few seconds. “No, it’s not. It could have been her. You have no idea at all how this feels, do you?”
In that moment, I realized he would never have any idea how it felt even if he tried with all of his might. That stop-your-heart-fear is something that only a parent can understand. And I personally wasn’t willing to continue to date someone who couldn’t relate. It wasn’t the first time in our relationship and I knew it wouldn’t be the last.
It was a turning point for me as I replayed my baby going over that ravine in the red wagon over and over again. The wagon became my symbol for every man without children who said, “C’mon Babe just give me a try! I love kids.” I’d picture the shiny, red wagon and respond, “I’m sure you do, but you just have no idea how it feels.”
Back to School Discount Codes – Save at Your Favorite Stores (Yahoo!)
All I could say was “Hooray!!” when I found out about CurrentCodes.com!
Why? Because CurrentCodes.com is an online database that categorizes thousands and thousands of coupons and secret “checkout codes” to help save big on your back2school purchases just about anywhere – check it out. Next time you go to buy a backpack, textbooks, supplies, electronics, clothes etc… you can be sure you’re getting the best deal. Here’s a few to get you going:
- Sears.com- Save $10 off School Supply orders of $50 or more with code SCHOOL50
- Kmart.com- $10 off School Supply orders of $50 or more with code SCHOOL10
- CookiesKids.com- Save 10% off Back to School fashion with code B2SFSH
- Etnies.com- Save 15% off with code back2school
- DELL-Save 40% on the Inspiron 14z with code 6KWMM0JFLZK0W?
- HP HOME- Save $25 off online order of $125 or greater with code SVMB39487
- eCampus.com: Take 5% off eTextbooks with code GEEK
- Kmart: $5 off $50 or more with code KMART5OFF50
- Cliff Notes: Take 15% off with code aff15
- Hooked on Phonics: Take 25% off with code HOP25
- Scholastic : Save 15% off orders of over $49 with code HUNT
Many thanks to CurrentCodes.com CEO, Barry Boone!
Swati
Humping: An Eight-Year-Old’s Inquisition
Episode I: 6 weeks ago at PAWS Animal Shelter
“Mom, come look at how cute these dogs are!”
“Where Honey?”
“Right there! They’re dancing and one doggie has his paws on the other doggie’s hips from behind and they’re bouncing – it’s so cute!”
<Unmistakable, not so muffled giggle of other onlookers>
“Err…” drag kid away to whisper: “Ummm…sweetie, remember that story from your reading book from school about the grasshoppers mating…?”
<Kid looks horrified; will need therapy in her twenties…>
Episode 2: Last week, on a walk with Orzo the Dog, my little miss, J., and his daughter
“Mom, are we getting Orzo that operation the vet talked about?”
“You mean neutering? Yes honey, we are.”
“Well why?”
“Because…ummm…well we don’t want him humping and we aren’t going to try to have more puppies.”
“So will the doctor take his hump away?”
Decide to say to pass it off to J. as the answer could be yes or no, and we are now partnering as a single mom and single dad, aren’t we? ….”Honey, you are missing out on a spectacular conversation. My little miss wants to know if the doctor is going to take Orzo’s hump away and I am not sure if I should say yes or no…what do you think?”
“I think she should ask her dad.”
<Plan to start a savings account Monday for future therapy needs for all of us>
Camping Tips From the Indoorsy (Guest Post)
Good day fellow non-campers (and campers who look upon us luxury-hotel-preferring-mannequins with a mix of pity and kindness)…my wonderful blogger friend Naomi de la Torre, mother of two year old and five year old boys and proprietor of the Organic Motherhood With Coolwhip blog, has graciously agreed to write a guest post for us and I am so, so happy to have her visiting us! Her musings on motherhood are funny, silly, honest, and revealing (sometimes more revealing than you expect !)…so check out what she wrote below about her adventures in camping…and then check out her blog!
Camping Tips From the Indoorsy
If there is anything that I hate, it’s camping. I know, I know. I’m sure there are about 8 billion avid campers out there that are just chomping at the bit to tie me to a tent pole and cover me with leeches and frog innards. But seriously. What exactly is fun about being a million miles from civilization, with no hair dryer, sand in your underwear, a pile of rocks as a bed, and no way to communicate with the world, not even Wifi?
It is beyond me. Really. But ever since we had kids, my husband has been begging and pleading with me to go camping. He even pulled out all the stops and offered to put on that tiger thong I got him as a gag gift one year. And well, that was pretty hard to resist.
So … finally, a few years ago I relented. What could be so bad about a couple of days roughing it in the Great Outdoors? It might even be nice, right? Sunshine. Afternoons by the river. Cool breezes. Campfires. Hot smoky delicious BBQ…
Yeah, all that might have been nice if you didn’t also add torrential rainstorms alternating with three-digit-temperatures, a collapsed tent, port-a-potties that resembled the inside of Uncle Lester’s colon, hour long lines for the shower, and a WWIII style fire ant and chigger infestation.
Needless to say, I wasn’t a camping convert.
But somehow, I did get roped into returning every year since. Because the kids loved it. And I’m a sucker for the children.
This year, we decided to rough it a little less and we rented a cabin. The cabin was Nirvana. It had central AC, a mini-fridge, a two-burner stovetop, cabinets for food storage, real beds, and (most importantly) its very own bathroom.
Unfortunately, the bathroom came in EXTRA handy this year because we all got struck down with some kind of horrific stomach bug that gave everyone bad gas and state-of-the-art diarrhea.
Have you ever camped with a bunch of people suffering from bad gas and state-of-the-art diarrhea? It’s a special experience.
Starting from the road trip where your two-year-old blows out his diaper all over his car seat and you aren’t able to get into your cabin until several hours later. So you spend the first hour of your camping trip hosing toxic green diarrhea off your car seat by the side of the road with all the help of a leaky spigot and a pack of Wet Wipes. Yeeeeeaaaaaah. These are good times. Are you jealous yet?
Then you spend the rest of the trip either running to the bathrooms (which are NO WHERE by the way when you are in the middle of the forest) or trying to act like you didn’t crap yourself while your family and hundreds of other campers look on and pretend not to notice the green slime oozing out of your bathing suit.
And so, thanks to my very special personal experience, I am here to give you just a few camping tips from the indoorsy type:
- If you plan to go camping, make sure to pack plenty of extras. You never know what your experience will entail and being extra prepared is always a benefit. Extra swimsuits, extra toilet paper, extra Imodium AD, and most especially extra car seats for both of your children. Just in case they both get a raging case of diarrhea en route. This way, you can just throw away the diarrhea car seats and not spend half your trip smelling rotting diarrhea.
- Also bring an extra tent in case your tent shreds apart in the torrential rainstorm that is bound to happen even if the weather predicts sunny skies straight for the next three months.
- Make sure to pack a full first aid kit in case you get attacked by a colony of fire ants and all their ant brethren from the adjoining four states.
- Pack no less than 75 packages of Wet Wipes and 62 cans of Lysol. Trust me that you will need them all when you are dealing with the aftermath of previously mentioned diarrhea blowouts.
- No matter how much your children beg you, do not spend time in the stagnant water at the edges of the creek looking for tadpoles. The thousands of chigger bites you will discover several days later all over your ladyparts will most certainly be enough to require hospitalization and years of therapy.
- Any camping trip that ends with a torrential rainstorm and a visit from the park rangers to inform you that if you don’t leave the park within three minutes or less, you may be stuck for the next week or so—is always a plus. Consider such events good luck, pop another Imodium AD, and book your camping trip for next year immediately.
Universal Truths About Divorce
Hi Everybody:
I am so very honored today to be a guest blogger at my bloggy pal Mandy’s site Since My Divorce. My article, titled Universal Truths About Divorce, is featured there today – please check it out and let us know what you think! (FYI for all you single moms, single dads, and kidless divorced folks, I do make mention of belly dancin’ )
Mandy is a divorced herself, focused on finding the good that can come from divorce – I know you’ll enjoy her blog very much.
Thanks Mandy, for having me at your site today!
Have a super day!
Swati
Article link in case you need to cut and paste: http://sincemydivorce.com/more-universal-truths-about-divorce/
Anonymous, Book Giveaway and Author Interview with Tess Moody
Hi Everybody:
I am SO excited to share an interview with fellow blogger and author, Tess Moody. Tess’ blog,
Six Feet Under Blog, is always a great read…but what I am really here to share today is my interview with Tess about how she gets her ideas and how she writes her books (because, ummm…that’s what I want to do!!)….I read her last book, Anonymous, in just a few hours…so we’ve decided to give one copy away for FREE (hooray!!). I’ll tell you how you can win it in a second, but first let me tell you about the book…Anonymous is about a woman named Paige McDonald who is a well-known blogger and, when one of her reader’s obsession with her goes too far, Paige finds herself in danger. Soon, other bloggers start turning up dead. So….will she listen to her family and stop blogging, or will she ignore everyone and keep blogging-at the risk of losing her life? You’ll have to read it to find out….!
Ok, here’s how you can win the book….follow me on Google Friends Connect, Twitter, and on my Facebook page (all links over to the right ), leave two comments on this site about my posts, and tell me you are done with these steps in one of your comments. I’ll do a random drawing from everyone who participates and then we’ll send you your book! Yippee!!!
Ok, now for my interview with Tess – enjoy!
1) How do you get your story line ideas? My stories either kind of just come to me out of the blue, or sometimes I dream the endings-not to copy Stephenie Meyer. lol. I have to say though, that my first novel came from a real life experience and I turned it into a thriller. 2) What advice do you have in creating the narrative arc as you do so well with your mystery, Anonymous? This may be a left-handed thing (lol), but I like to start from the ending and go backwards. I guess I like to solve the "crime" before it happens, then go back and make it happen. Outlining on paper is important though, to stay focus on a beginning, middle, and ending to keep your readers interested. If you keep going on and on about their day, the reader will get bored and go away. 3) How/why did you decide to use i-universe to self-publish? I love iUniverse! Sure, I would love for my books to be picked up by a publisher, but if you don't want to wait, iUniverse is the route to go. They have lower prices then some PODs, many services, and a quick turn-a-round. 4) How long have you been writing, what else have you written, what's your favorite? To be fair, I've been writing since junior high. My language arts teacher loved my short stories, and always told me that I had such an imagination. My first novel, The Accident, was published in 2002. I would have to say my favorite story would have to be that book. I wrote it while going through a big change in my life-a story too long to write about, but it is a bit similar to the storyline of that book. 5) One piece of advice I'd wish I could've given myself when I first started writing books... Hmmm, I guess I would have told myself to try harder to get my book published. Self publishing has it's perks, but it's a lot of hard work. 6) What blogs do you enjoy reading? I don't think anyone has ever asked me this before. I have too many to list, but my favorites are the bloggers that have been there for me in the beginning and are still there, leaving me comments to this very day: Creative Junkie, Too Many Hats, Eight Helping Hands (you know you (Swati) are my new favorite too!) I love looking at foodie blogs too- I love looking at beautiful photos of food and it inspires me to learn how to cook. I'm a really bad cook!
To buy Tess’ book or see what else she’s written, go to:
http://www.teresamoodyauthor.com/
Have a great day!
Swati
Chapter Seven: Vicky, The Lady Staring at Maddie
I have to talk to her. I know she is talking about Ben. My Ben! Oh God. They met here? Was it one of those times I canceled because I was running late from a client? Oh God. Ben, how could you?
She sees me coming. She looks frozen I place, trying to look away. I have to talk to her. I’ll just slide into her booth for second.
“Hi there! I’m Vicky!”
“Hello…ummm…I’m…nice to meet you.”
“I’m sorry to interrupt your coffee and all but I couldn’t help but hear a little bit about what you were saying.
“Oh?”
“Yes. I’m a trainer and nutritionist at the gym across the street; here’s my card in case you ever need anything. I have tons of clients who’d be happy to be my references too.”
“Oh – okay. Thank you.”
She looks relieved, reading my business card like it’s the best novel she ever read. Was she was expecting me to pick a fight or something? Could she know about me? Would Ben have told her he dated me? Does she know who I am?
“Feel free to call anytime….it’s neat that you’re a single mom like Holly…by the way, you wouldn’t happen to have been talking about Ben Harrigan earlier, would you?”
She’s hesitating but I can tell I’m right. Oh God. She’s pretty.
“Yes…I was. Are you a friend of Ben’s?”
Oh god why did I come over here? I am going to be sick.
“Well I was a friend of his; actually we almost got married but then we didn’t, I mean that sounds strange but I guess it was like our own personal soap opera or something. And well, we didn’t in the end. Get married I mean.”
Oh God, I am babbling and she’s just looking at me with pity and kindness – and a little shock I think. I can feel tears coming. I have to go. I have to go.
“Listen, I would love to hear from you sometime – for a coffee or a workout or whatever. It was nice to meet you.”
I am not going to let myself cry as I walk out of here. I can feel her looking at me and I can feel Holly staring at my back too. I hope she calls me. Why do I want her to call me? To explain to her that Ben is a jerk? To get even? To get closure? Oh my God. Am I seriously trying to get closure from Ben’s new girlfriend? The one he’s trying to marry? Oh my God. I hate you Ben.
I need to get back to the gym…an hour on the treadmill should do it. And I have that date tonight. I feel sick again.
Oh God.
THE END
Thoughts and Conversations in a Diner
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