Did She Know He Was Cheating?
You may think I am referring only to the Tiger Woods Family Saga…actually I am referring to anyone who has ever felt that ugly, clenched, rotting feeling inside of their bellies. That feeling you get when your gut knows, just knows something is up. I’ve had that feeling. And I hate to admit it, but I ignored it for many months.
During my days of impending enlightenment, I remember thinking, “It’s strange; he’s not really here much and his behavior is odd, mean, blaming; I wonder if…” and that’s where I’d stop myself. Even my former mother-in-law once gently said, “I think he’s leading another life, honey. It’s terrible.”
I read somewhere that if you think your spouse or significant other is cheating on you, if it even occurs to you to contemplate it, you are probably right.
I guess I just didn’t want to see it. Until suddenly, one day, I realized that the life I was clinging to so tightly was in my head. The reality was that I was unhappy and I didn’t love my husband. We did not belong together. Nothing in particular happened that day to make me see it; I think I was just ready. Once I listened to my gut, I was set into motion like the Energizer Bunny, creating a new life.
Here’s what I don’t understand about this cheatin’ stuff. Why pick an option, like infidelity, which guarantees making a situation worse? Why not try to fix it or leave it or just say “I’m not happy” and end it? And, as long as I’m *pondering*, how can people refer to cheating as a “mistake”? A mistake? ! Something that tears apart multiple lives and leaves terrible scars deserves its own cruel term, don’t you think? I made a “mistake” when I put real sugar in my coffee instead of Splenda. Surely we shouldn’t be allowed to use the same word for cheating?
I just watched an interview with Cori Rist, a beautiful single mother who had an affair with Tiger Woods. She was so genuine; regret just oozed out of her. I felt bad for her and I do believe she is now in pain.
But I still don’t get it. And yes, I think Tiger’s wife has known for a long time.
– Swati
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Some really great thoughts, and I agree about the mistake thing, choosing infidelity is hardly a ‘mistake’ – Oh yeah, I made a mistake “excuse me”!!
Interesting . . .
but no matter, it’s got to be a difficult thing for sure to be on the other end of it . . . wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Kristin
Wow, Swati! This is a wonderful, heartfelt post. I am grateful that I have never had to deal with the issue of infidelity personally. I agree completely. I think it is cruel to make promises you never intend to keep. And Tiger clearly had no intention whatsoever of honoring his vows. Why even get married if you just want to have sex with whomever passes your way? Just stay single. I’m sorry to hear that you have had to even contemplate these thoughts in your own life. It is much more than a simple “mistake.”
PS Thanks for your comments on my green diva post! I appreciate all your support and kindness.
You are absolutely right- a woman generally knows by her intuition, and it is usually right on point. I’m sorry you had to go through it. I understand your pain as evidenced by my last few posts.
Your line: “Why not try to fix it or leave it or just say “I’m not happy” and end it?” I personally will never understand why some men can’t just do that. I’m still seeking those answers myself. I’m glad you have moved on and are forging a new path for you and your daughter (and found love again! Woo hoo!)
Hello Swati,
I think that the most difficult thing a women can do is to leave the father of her children. It is a valiant move and I’m so glad that you had the strength to do it. It’s easier to be objective when you are out of the thick of it.
Wonderfully written post from the heart!! Thank you, Jillian
My ex husband cheated. I found out and left.
I play golf and have watched Tiger from the start so I am shocked that he has this other life. My husband is not shocked. He says that that is what money does and I disagree. I would hope that money would not do that.
Laura and Vivianne,
Thank you for your openness; I’m sorry to hear that you both went through it too…good for you for standing up and taking control of your lives.
Naomi, Jillian and Kristin: Thanks so much for your kind words.
Swati
Swati,
It was very brave of you to share this piece. I have been lucky that I haven’t had to go through something like this. However, I think it really means a lot to many women out there who have gone through the same situation, or who may suspect that their spouses’ may be leading other lives, but who may not want to face the reality yet. Very well written. Thanks for sharing.
I think women do know they just dont want to admit it. I think its also more difficult to accept reality if you have children with the guy. Good post.
Wow. I’ve been there and it’s bad. 🙂