Hello Everyone:

Today’s post is a book review on Adoption Nation: How Adoption is Transforming the American Family by Adam Pertman. It’s an incredible read for anyone touched in any way by adoption (which it turns out is more people than you may think) or any one interested in learning more about the topic.

As a nation, we have adopted more than 130,000 children annually from within the United States and from abroad. That translates to more than 100 million people in our country (!!!) today having some form of adoption in their immediate families – and it means that you don’t have to look too far to see that nearly everyone is connected to this extraordinary, misunderstood, controversial, life-altering institution in some way.

I am not one for sensationalized stories – for me, the attraction to this book comes from the more common, everyday experiences of those touched by adoption. Most moving is the glimpse into the varied emotions of adoptee children: joy and curiosity, depression and confusion, identity crisis, new found inner strength, love and so much more.

Enjyoy the review and consider picking up this moving, insightful, and sometimes surprising book.

- Swati

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Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families – and America

Adoption Nation takes on the challenge of explaining the historic changes enveloping us all – and does so with a unique combination of engaging prose, gripping stories, insightful perspective and exceptional research.

Its author, Adam Pertman, is one of the most influential experts in his field and Adoption Nation has been called “the most important book ever written on the subject.”

Inspired by his Pulitzer-nominated series while a reporter with the Boston Globe, the first edition of Adoption Nation(2000) captured an important piece of U.S. history and was a game-changer for child welfare professionals, policy-makers, and members of what Pertman calls “the extended family of adoption” (adopted individuals, birth and adoptive relatives).

The new, fully revised edition updates the “adoption revolution” with all of its joys and disappointments, its personal and policy issues, its complexities and controversies.

“There’s no exaggerating how much has occurred over the last decade – from the adoptive mother who recently ‘returned’ her son to Russia, to the children orphaned by the earthquake in Haiti; from the ongoing debate over transracial adoptions, to the still-unregulated Wild West of adoption on the Internet; from the decline in secrecy and shame in adoption, to the explosion of reunions between adopted people and their birth families; and from the precipitous drop in international adoptions to the soaring rise in adoptions of boys and girls from foster care, including by growing numbers of gay and lesbian parents,” said Pertman. “When I looked at the landscape, I felt compelled to do a thorough rewrite of the stories, of the research and of the phenomenon itself.”

More comprehensive, more up-to-date, more moving – and more useful – than any other book on the subject, the new edition of Adoption Nation is an invaluable resource for prospective and current parents and their children. And it is a passionate call-to-arms for equality and social justice, as well as a unique tool for educators, policymakers and professionals.

ADAM PERTMAN is the Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, the pre-eminent research, policy and education organization in its field. A highly sought-after speaker, Pertman has delivered hundreds of keynotes, trainings and other presentations internationally, and is the recipient of many awards for his work. He is the Associate Editor of Adoption Quarterly and has contributed to numerous publications on family issues. Pertman is widely quoted by journalists and has appeared as a guest on “Oprah,” “Today,” “The View,” “Nightline,” among other national programs. Before embarking on his current career, Pertman was a senior journalist with The Boston Globe for over two decades. He is a member of the Council on Contemporary Families, the editorial advisory board of Adoptive Families magazine, the National Adoption Advisory Committee of the Child Welfare League of America and the Advisory Board of Orphans International, among others. He lives in Massachusetts with his wife and their two children. Learn more at www.adampertman.com.

Hi everyone: Here are some wonderful words of advice from my friends at eHarmony UK –  I have to say that filling out those online questionnaires on eHarmony really made me think hard about what I wanted in a partner…hope you find this useful!

Swati

Do’s and Don’ts of Internet Dating

Here are a few guidelines to get you started in the heady world of internet dating…

Do think about your deal breakers. Online dating is very different to conventional dating, because the pool of people available is so much bigger. Once you’ve signed up to a good online site, you’ll find a vast array of possible dating partners. Faced with all this choice, it’s easy to get sidelined. So before you decide who to message, poke or email, be aware of what’s important to you in a relationship. If you know you couldn’t date someone who has a big dog, skip the profile picture with the Alsatian! The point of internet dating is to find someone who’s just right for you. However…

Don’t make snap judgements. Remember, profile pictures are just one shot. And though ‘About Me’ sections are helpful, a spelling mistake or a flat joke doesn’t mean that you’ve no chance of compatibility. So there’s no harm in giving someone who reaches out to you the benefit of the doubt. Profiles are just first impressions; communicating further or emailing can give you a real idea of the person.

Don’t become obsessive. Online dating allows you to enter the wide world of New York-style dating, where (unlike real-world London or Manchester dating it’s perfectly OK to show an interest in several people at once). Until you meet up with someone, there’s no obligation to commit. So don’t just pick the one person who seems right for you; choose a whole lot of different people to reach out to. And if someone doesn’t seem to return your interest, let it go and move on – there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Do move it into the real world as soon as possible. Online dating is a great way to meet people, not a way to carry on a relationship. You’re more likely to find people you click with with the help of a database of compatible people, but online dating is about finding likely mates. Once you’ve exchanged a few messages, try moving things on to phone or meeting in person. There’s no point in stalling a great thing at the messaging level! But…

Do stay safe. As with all dates, don’t meet up with someone for the first time without telling a friend where you’re going and when you should be back. Don’t give out any bank account details or private information (such as your address) over the internet to someone you haven’t met.

Do be confident. Last but not least, remember that there’s nothing to lose. The beauty of the online dating world is that everyone whose profile you see is interested in a relationship. Unlike approaching someone in the bar, there’s no chance that the person you approach will be taken or disinterested in dating (ok, we are assuming here that the people you run into are being truthful – as most are). So follow your instincts, and message that cutie whose profile pic you like – there’s everything to gain.

Hi Everyone:

Today we have a thoughtful guest post by Maureen Page, momma and superhero to 2 equally super kids, aged 12 and 15.  She is especially known for her carrot peeling and apple washing abilities. Maureen’s post has some great reminders for all of us about putting family first.

Enjoy and thanks Maureen!

Swati

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Family First by Maureen Page

We are pulled in so many directions, that sometimes, spending time with the family gets pushed to the bottom of the list. A little massaging of the schedule and the daily routine and you can turn things completely around. The nice thing is that you don’t have to do much to create quality time, and to begin living the motto Family First!

BEGIN AND END TOGETHER:

Two things that parents and children have in common are residence and sustenance. Put them together, and you have the makings of some real family time.  Set everyone’s alarm clock just a few minutes early, and gather together in the kitchen for a bite and some encouraging conversation.  Greeting your children before they go off to school or work, making sure they begin the day with some proper nutrition, sends your child off for the day on a supporting note.

End the day with a family gathering, by creating a nightly dinner event.  This final meal offers wonderful opportunities to reestablish connection. It also provides the perfect opportunity to obtain timely information about your child’s activities, accomplishments, and frustrations.  Staying informed will help you maintain crucial influence, and provide steady guidance for situations your child has encountered during his or her day.

PLAY TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER:

As adults, we all need a certain amount of attention to feel good about ourselves. But children need it for their very development.  Sharing an activity is a fantastic way to deepen communication and provide a stable basis for shared understanding.  You can help forge strong bonds by finding common interests, and sharing them with your child.

DEMONSTRATE GENUINE INTEREST:

No matter the age, find something that your child likes to do, and tag along. If your daughter is at the dolls and tea party stage, take 5 minutes, and join her at the table for a sip or two.  Tell her how lovely Miss Bunny looks in her Easter frock, or how delicious the tea is this particular day.

If your son wants to be a rock star, show up at the beginning or end of his jam session with a plate of cookies or a cooler of soda for the guys. Spend a few minutes listening to their song. If you can find a few words of honest admiration for how they’re coming along, you’ll gain a lot of points.

If your child is older, engage them in an adult discussion about the job, or their choice of college or future goals. Try to listen to what they say without offering advice or criticism. You can always slip in some words of wisdom at another time, but for right now, remain open and non-judgmental.  Your child is much more likely to hear your hard-won words of advice after they’ve had the chance to express without having to defend.

KEEP THE COMMUNICATION CHANNEL CLEAR:

One of the biggest impediments to communication nowadays, is the overwhelming proliferation of electronic devices, all competing for your child (and your) attention. The best way to gain the cooperation of your child in minimizing these distractions is for you to be the role model.

Let your child know that when you’re driving him or her to a destination, your cell phone goes OFF because you want to make certain that nothing will interrupt your time together. Demonstrating how important it is for you to have your full attention on your child to talk, laugh, sit in companionable silence, will go a long way toward quieting the objections. Let them know that yes, it’s hard for mom or dad to put their phone away too, but it’s just that important for them to have your full attention.

This is also a great opportunity for you to explain the appropriate time and use for electronic devices.  Outline a schedule for putting devices away: meal times, travel time, school hours, bed time.  If you allow reasonable times for use, and follow your own rules, enforcing non-use will be a lot less problematic.

Change is never easy, but with these few, simple steps, you can lay the groundwork for open communication, respect for the rules, and trust in the idea that family takes precedence over all else.

About the Author

This article was written by Maureen Page, mom, and VP of Discount Security Cameras, your source for quality security cameras and security camera systems. Be sure to visit the Interactive Security Camera Learning Center mentioned in this article.

Hi All:

Enjoy this guest post by Ellen Sarver Dolgen, author of Shmirshky: the pursuit of hormone happiness, a light-hearted, informative, easy-to-read book on menopause.  In this post, Ms. Dolgen writes about the “hormone combustion” that happens when you have adolescent hormones and menopausal hormones in the same house, at the same time – YIKES! Some great tips included -

- Swati

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Now, more than ever, so many households are experiencing puberty and perimenopause and menopause (I call it PM&M for short) at the same time. Why? In 1980, the average age of a first time mother was 23. In 2010 that number jumped to almost 27 (26.8).  This matches up a 14 year old child with a 41 year old mother. So what happens when you mix adolescent hormones and menopausal hormones in the same house?  Hormone combustion!

These days, households with both teens and moms entering perimenopause and menopause (PM&M) can reach an atmosphere of playoff intensity and become a place of hate and not love.  That’s not a beneficial situation for anyone! I’ve heard so many stories that absolutely break my heart. From children going to stay with friends because neither child nor parent knew how to resolve the issues, to separation and divorce.

Sound familiar?  You’re not alone.

The good news is that amidst all this chaos, there is an opportunity to turn this time into one of growth and connection.  We can all get through this together, if we really get down to the business of what’s really going on.  Often the anger or frustration that we send outward is really just an overflow, or misdirection, of that same anger and frustration that we might have towards ourselves. Working on yourself, your own personal growth, knowing your body and being prepared, will help ease the tension you have in your relationships – particular with those closest to you.

It seems as soon as our children begin puberty they stop talking. They begin pushing adult figures away in an attempt to achieve independence.  This process is hard enough on mom, but if she is experiencing perimenopause and menopause (PM&M), it’s a dangerous combination. Often this leads to a lack – or complete loss of – communication between mother and child. When the communication lines are down, everyone suffers.

How do you fix this? Keep talking! Dig it out!  A simple hug instead of a look of disgust is a good place to begin. To do this, both the menopausal mother and the teen need to try to stop personalizing everything each other is saying and doing.  It is nobody’s fault. Everyone is dealing with their own personal challenges. Keeping this fact in mind can be liberating. Your teen may roll their eyes and look at you like you’re an alien from outer space, but just ignore that.  It’s kind of how they look at everything; it’s really not about you. Keep communicating no matter what the response is.

Be the first to give. If you share your challenges openly, you show that you’re willing to be vulnerable. This can be an incredible example to set for a child who’s going through a tough and confusing time. When you reach out and share your struggles, you’re setting an example through your actions that it’s okay to not be fine, it’s okay to be confused and frustrated, and it’s okay to reach out to your loved ones for support.

Look, teens can be total monsters (weren’t you?), but remember, so can a menopausal woman!  Of course, every situation is different, and it may take some tinkering to customize this loving approach to fit your family structure, but the more we educate our loved ones and ourselves, the happier and more understanding the whole household will be.

“E” is the pen name of Ellen Sarver Dolgen, author of Shmirshky: the pursuit of hormone happiness, a light-hearted, informative, easy-to-read book on menopause, and creator of http://www.shmirshky.com, a resource treasure trove for women going through perimenopause and menopause. E stands for everyone because everyone goes through menopause or knows someone who does. Ellen is passionate about promoting health and wellness in America. She currently serves on the Community Advisory Board of Scripps Memorial Hospital La Jolla. She has served on boards, committees, and chaired numerous events for Fresh Start Women’s Foundation, Angel Charity for Children, San Diego Hospice. Brandeis University, the Phoenix Heart Ball, Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, Weizmann Institute of Science, Brewster Auxiliary, and Handmaker Home for the Aging. Ellen’s lifelong commitment to philanthropy through board representation, fundraising, and event organization continues with her founding of Shmirshky Universal, which aims to promote women’s health and well being around the world.  For more information, visit http://www.shmirshky.com.

I know what your thinking:

Surely she’s not referring to her actual rack or worse, my actual rack? She’s trying to be clever…?

Nope. No cleverness going on here today – I am actually talking racks, womanly shelves and the good ole’ busty bust-line! And I have a giveaway so read closely (but don’t get too close because my rack needs space).

I was *moved* to write about the female bosom by the lovely folks over at The Rack Trap.  The Rack Trap is actually an undetectable bra packet that can hold everyday necessities like your license, cash and credit cards…and you can put right into your RACK! It even come with instructions (the first one being to “Locate Your Breasts” – hopefully somebody is around to help you with that).  It’s really an ideal and inexpensive product for when you are off to the gym, running quick errands, walking the dog or traveling.

In any case, I now have one and I it!  And I want you to have one too!!  So, follow me on Facebook and leave me a comment anywhere on this blog and tell me you would love to have a Rack Trap too and I will randomly select somebody’s rack. I mean somebody.  Contest ends on February 2nd – make sure you leave your email in when filling out the comments so I can find you.

By the way- wouldn’t it be cool to tell people you work at The Rack Trap?  Ok, I’ll stop. I’m just giggly-silly over this booby trap .

XO – Swati

Hi Everyone: I am happy to have a guest post today from Jade Scully, a copywriter, blogger and online marketer…she offers some wonderful advice for single moms and dads in regards to holiday gifts for the kids…enjoy!

Swati

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The Holidays are round the corner, again, and stores are packed to the brim with toys. But the latest toys, which get snazzier each year, don’t come cheap and for single moms and dads on a budget.  Christmas can be one of the saddest times of the year as they have to explain to their kids why a particular toy won’t be in the stocking come the morning of the 25^th. It’s possible to avoid a lot of disappointment, however, as long as you have kids who love to read.

I learned to love books from an early age and while the occasional Barbie topped my wish list, what I wanted most of all was to expand my little library. Instilling a love for books and reading in your kids doesn’t just develop their imaginations, prepare them for learning and knit important neurons in their brains, it also takes care of all future birthdays and Christmases, just ask my parents.

Creating a list of top children’s books is incredibly difficult because there are just so many good books out there. It’s hard to strike a balance between the classics such as Paddington Bear and modern stories like Harry Potter. It’s also entirely subjective; what worked for me didn’t necessarily work for my friends and won’t necessarily work for your kids.

So the books listed below (in no particular order) are simply recommendations, based on my happiest childhood memories and those of my nearest and dearest friends.

Classics:

1)     The Adventures of the Wishing Chair by Enid Blyton was the first “grown-up” book I read. I say grown-up because it looked like the books my parents read, i.e. it was standard paperback size and didn’t have any pictures. I loved it. I read it in one sitting. I followed it up with The Wishing Chair Again and The Faraway Tree series (which I actually preferred to the Wishing Chair series). These days Enid Blyton gets a lot of flak for being politically incorrect. I reread some stories not so long ago and they did smack of chauvinism, but I lived on her books and still managed to emerge with my feminist principles firmly intact.

2)     The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by CS Lewis. I somehow managed to miss the Chronicles of Narnia while I was growing up, and truth be told the first book is still the only one that I’ve read, but I have a friend who swears by them. They’ve been criticised for their Christian overtones, which some consider blasphemy and others deem inappropriate. To be honest, I think the first book is just a rollicking good adventure. It’s a story about courage and standing together in the face of adversity. And, speaking as someone who missed out, I’d say that they’re an essential ingredient of a literary childhood.

3)     Anything by Roald Dahl. I came to Roald Dahl relatively late (I was about 12 when I first read The BFG) and I only got to know his work thanks to another friend who was fortunate enough to own his entire collection of children’s stories (I have since read almost all of his adult stories too, and loved them). My group of four used to read them in between classes and during breaks and hurried each other along so we could swop them and read more. The Witches is probably my favourite, followed by The BFG and The Twits, and perhaps Esiotrot.

Something more modern:

4)     The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett. Terry Pratchett is probably best known for his Discworld series of novels, but he also makes a pretty good children’s author. The Amazing Maurice is a take on the Pied Piper of Hamelin but with a classic Pratchett twist. It can be a little dark, so I’d be careful about giving it to sensitive children, but all in all it’s an excellent introduction to the wonderful world of Mr Pratchett.

5)     Un Lun Dun by China Miéville. Miéville is one of the best science-fiction/fantasy authors around today and his foray into children’s literature is a revelation. Un Lun Dun is probably the most unique children’s book I’ve ever come across. It’s about a city beneath London, where fantastic people/creatures live and where everything is its opposite. Do yourself a favour and read it first before you hand it over to your kids. You’ll love it and, hopefully, you’ll be inspired to try more of his books (Perdido Street Station is magnificent).

6)     Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer. I’ve only read the first two in the Artemis series, but they are immensely enjoyable. Colfer pits a teenage criminal mastermind against the best of the fairy kingdom’s law enforcement. Its entertainment value is high, the laughs loud and enjoyment guaranteed.

There are many, many more: Paddington Bear (Michael Bond), Charlotte’s Web (EB White), Groosham Grange (Anthony Horowitz), Harry Potter (JK Rowling), The Hobbit (JRR Tolkein) … The list is endless.

Unlike toys which break and are quickly forgotten, books last a lifetime: long after the pages have fallen out from use the memories linger on. Make this Christmas a special one and give the gift that keeps on giving. Give your children some books!

Jade Scully is a copywriter, blogger and online marketing enthusiast who
has published her work on a series of online publications and websites
including Leeulekker who provide a range of home and leisure resources for
southern Africans.

You may remember me writing about kissing kids (and fainting mommies)  not too long ago.  And now, I know what you’re thinking.  How could a training bra possibly be linked to eating boogers.  Am I right?  Of course I am.

I’ll tell you how they’re related.  Read on at your own risk.

1:12:00pm Mommy: Driving along innocently last Saturday, happy about how sunny it is in late October, happy about…

1:13:00pm Daughter: “Mom? Can I have a training bra? My friend <Blah Blah> has one and so does <Blah> and <Blah>.”

1:13:30pm Mommy: WHAT?!  WHAT?!  But! But! You’re just…WHAT?

1:13:50pm Mommy: “Hmmm, really honey? I didn’t know that they had them.”

1:14:00pm Daughter: “They do.”

1:14:10pm Daughter: ”So when can I get one?”

1:14:50 Mommy: “Uhh…errr…let me think about when we have time to shop, ok?  We’re really busy.”

1:14:57 Daughter: “ Ok…..Mom?”

1:15:00pm Mommy: Crap. WHAT NOW? “What?”

1:15:05 Daughter: “Did you know that <Blah>, <Blah>, and <Blah> still eat their own boogers?”

And there you have it…presenting the world of a nine-year-old: training bras, and booger eatin’ all rolled into a three minute conversation.

I need a hot fudge sundae dammit.

One quick recommendation while we are on the subject of boogers…as we head into flu season.  If your kid is one of those kids with a nosey full of boogies, try out SinuCleanse.  It’s a safe and simple way to clear out your kids’ nasal passages with a saline solution (which is what the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends).  It has an easy to aim nozzle that does not need to be inserted into the nostril…check it out so they don’t eat ‘em!

- Swati

Hi Busy Moms and Dads:

Recently, I had the pleasure of interviewing Regen Fearon, creator of Plumlife.com (see the Skype interview above).  Plumlife is an amazing tool that you can use on your handheld, your computer, really anywhere – to organize your life – and the lives of those around you (my personal fantasy)! Even better, it can synchronize with your significant other’s devices (if needed), your nanny’s or sitter’s devices, your neighbor – whomever you wish to include in your daily life. And because you are one of my closest bloggy pals, you can try it out FREE for 3 months with a our special discount code…but first let me tell you what it can do…

How it works:…say my daughter has to go to a birthday party…but I need to get a gift, only I don’t have time…my mom can take my daughter shopping…but can’t bring her back to my place…and I can bring her to the party, but someone else has to bring her home…and I am already lost and exhausted by now – and I haven’t even told you about the 2 other kids I am supposed to take to the party…and her sleeping bag for the slumber party is at her dad’s house…in a previous life, my calendar would say “go to Jane’s party at 3pm” and I would attempt to remember the rest of it in my head (UGH to say the least)…fast forward to a new life, with Plumlife (enter serene music and birds chirping).  All the tasks that lead up to the birthday party are noted down in my lovely online tool, everyone is notified of their roles, and you can track everybody’s progress!

Another feature I LOVE about this product is that you can create several different calendars – so I have one for my daughter, one for me, on for J….and I can see everything on my master calendar and it’s all color coated.  The benefit of this type of organization is that only people involved with my daughter’s schedule will see those tasks and what’s going on in her life…and only people involved in my work stuff will see what’s going on in that part of my life, etc.

This product works so wonderfully for our household because it is so easy for me to track J.’s travel calendar (he travels A LOT).  It’s kind of nightmare to keep his itineraries straight on my calendar – Plumlife allows him to sync just that part of his calendar with mine – so he doesn’t have to remember to email the info and I don’t have to dig through a 5-page itinerary each week and re-enter the information on my calendar!!

Plumlife is especially great for blended households where there’s lots of kids and lots of parents!  You can take a free walk through at Plumlife.  On the site, there is a free one month trial.  However, because you are one of my fabulous readers, if you enter the promotion code “Swati” when you sign up, Regen will give you 3 months FREE!! (now that there is a discount code named after me, I am pretty much just like Oprah, don’t you think?  Besides the billion dollars).  As of yesterday, I am a happy Plumlife user .

Enjoy the short video above -

Swati (see a pix of our new best friend Regen below)

In case you are FREAKING out because you still need Halloween costumes for yourself or your kids, fear not!  Check out CurrentCodes.com for lots and lots of spooky savings!  Here are some examples of the discount codes you will find there:
CostumeDiscounters.com – Get free shipping on $60 or more with code FREE60

HalloweenMart.com – Save $10 off over $75 with code 10OFF

Costume Kingdom – Save 10% off with code HALLOWEEN2010 (expires 11/1/10)

CelebrateExpress.com – Save 15% off $75 or more with code celebrate4 (expires 12/31/10)

BOO!

Swati

Hi Everyone:

I am SO tickled pink about this!

Today, Rachel Sarah, author of Single Mom Seeking: Playdates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches from the Dating World, has included a piece about me and the Single Mothers Chronicles on her blog!  The topic is “A child’s role in your wedding.”

Rachel recently go married herself and her daughter played many important roles on the big day – including being the lead singer in a rockin’ band performance of Don’t Stop Believin’. And, did I mention she’s been fabulously supportive of me in my book writing venture (thanks Rachel!)?

Please do check out  the article – and poke around the rest of her site too!!

Have a super day -

- Swati

p.s.

I’ll be the one with the silly grin on my face all day…:-)