Hello Everyone:

Today’s post is a book review on Adoption Nation: How Adoption is Transforming the American Family by Adam Pertman. It’s an incredible read for anyone touched in any way by adoption (which it turns out is more people than you may think) or any one interested in learning more about the topic.

As a nation, we have adopted more than 130,000 children annually from within the United States and from abroad. That translates to more than 100 million people in our country (!!!) today having some form of adoption in their immediate families – and it means that you don’t have to look too far to see that nearly everyone is connected to this extraordinary, misunderstood, controversial, life-altering institution in some way.

I am not one for sensationalized stories – for me, the attraction to this book comes from the more common, everyday experiences of those touched by adoption. Most moving is the glimpse into the varied emotions of adoptee children: joy and curiosity, depression and confusion, identity crisis, new found inner strength, love and so much more.

Enjyoy the review and consider picking up this moving, insightful, and sometimes surprising book.

- Swati

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Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families – and America

Adoption Nation takes on the challenge of explaining the historic changes enveloping us all – and does so with a unique combination of engaging prose, gripping stories, insightful perspective and exceptional research.

Its author, Adam Pertman, is one of the most influential experts in his field and Adoption Nation has been called “the most important book ever written on the subject.”

Inspired by his Pulitzer-nominated series while a reporter with the Boston Globe, the first edition of Adoption Nation(2000) captured an important piece of U.S. history and was a game-changer for child welfare professionals, policy-makers, and members of what Pertman calls “the extended family of adoption” (adopted individuals, birth and adoptive relatives).

The new, fully revised edition updates the “adoption revolution” with all of its joys and disappointments, its personal and policy issues, its complexities and controversies.

“There’s no exaggerating how much has occurred over the last decade – from the adoptive mother who recently ‘returned’ her son to Russia, to the children orphaned by the earthquake in Haiti; from the ongoing debate over transracial adoptions, to the still-unregulated Wild West of adoption on the Internet; from the decline in secrecy and shame in adoption, to the explosion of reunions between adopted people and their birth families; and from the precipitous drop in international adoptions to the soaring rise in adoptions of boys and girls from foster care, including by growing numbers of gay and lesbian parents,” said Pertman. “When I looked at the landscape, I felt compelled to do a thorough rewrite of the stories, of the research and of the phenomenon itself.”

More comprehensive, more up-to-date, more moving – and more useful – than any other book on the subject, the new edition of Adoption Nation is an invaluable resource for prospective and current parents and their children. And it is a passionate call-to-arms for equality and social justice, as well as a unique tool for educators, policymakers and professionals.

ADAM PERTMAN is the Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, the pre-eminent research, policy and education organization in its field. A highly sought-after speaker, Pertman has delivered hundreds of keynotes, trainings and other presentations internationally, and is the recipient of many awards for his work. He is the Associate Editor of Adoption Quarterly and has contributed to numerous publications on family issues. Pertman is widely quoted by journalists and has appeared as a guest on “Oprah,” “Today,” “The View,” “Nightline,” among other national programs. Before embarking on his current career, Pertman was a senior journalist with The Boston Globe for over two decades. He is a member of the Council on Contemporary Families, the editorial advisory board of Adoptive Families magazine, the National Adoption Advisory Committee of the Child Welfare League of America and the Advisory Board of Orphans International, among others. He lives in Massachusetts with his wife and their two children. Learn more at www.adampertman.com.

Hi everyone: Here are some wonderful words of advice from my friends at eHarmony UK –  I have to say that filling out those online questionnaires on eHarmony really made me think hard about what I wanted in a partner…hope you find this useful!

Swati

Do’s and Don’ts of Internet Dating

Here are a few guidelines to get you started in the heady world of internet dating…

Do think about your deal breakers. Online dating is very different to conventional dating, because the pool of people available is so much bigger. Once you’ve signed up to a good online site, you’ll find a vast array of possible dating partners. Faced with all this choice, it’s easy to get sidelined. So before you decide who to message, poke or email, be aware of what’s important to you in a relationship. If you know you couldn’t date someone who has a big dog, skip the profile picture with the Alsatian! The point of internet dating is to find someone who’s just right for you. However…

Don’t make snap judgements. Remember, profile pictures are just one shot. And though ‘About Me’ sections are helpful, a spelling mistake or a flat joke doesn’t mean that you’ve no chance of compatibility. So there’s no harm in giving someone who reaches out to you the benefit of the doubt. Profiles are just first impressions; communicating further or emailing can give you a real idea of the person.

Don’t become obsessive. Online dating allows you to enter the wide world of New York-style dating, where (unlike real-world London or Manchester dating it’s perfectly OK to show an interest in several people at once). Until you meet up with someone, there’s no obligation to commit. So don’t just pick the one person who seems right for you; choose a whole lot of different people to reach out to. And if someone doesn’t seem to return your interest, let it go and move on – there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Do move it into the real world as soon as possible. Online dating is a great way to meet people, not a way to carry on a relationship. You’re more likely to find people you click with with the help of a database of compatible people, but online dating is about finding likely mates. Once you’ve exchanged a few messages, try moving things on to phone or meeting in person. There’s no point in stalling a great thing at the messaging level! But…

Do stay safe. As with all dates, don’t meet up with someone for the first time without telling a friend where you’re going and when you should be back. Don’t give out any bank account details or private information (such as your address) over the internet to someone you haven’t met.

Do be confident. Last but not least, remember that there’s nothing to lose. The beauty of the online dating world is that everyone whose profile you see is interested in a relationship. Unlike approaching someone in the bar, there’s no chance that the person you approach will be taken or disinterested in dating (ok, we are assuming here that the people you run into are being truthful – as most are). So follow your instincts, and message that cutie whose profile pic you like – there’s everything to gain.

Hellooooo Everyone!

I am SO sorry about my long absence!  Life has been a whirlwind, with an engagement in August, and then our wedding on New Years Eve 2010…add on a new job that I started in January, and, well, I am just coming up for air!

So on to the first and most important bit of news – I am MARRIED!  And (drum roll please) we can now call  ”J.” by his actual name, John.

So, coming back to the title of this post, John did say “I Do.” Right after we read our vows to each other our warm, charming, and twinkle-eyed Justice of the Peace said,”Now John, I am about to ask you a question to which there is only one right answer…”  Both of us, as well as the twenty family members we had in attendance, chuckled in amusement and joy.  And then, just like that, we said our “I Do’s and we were married!

Everything was just as I wanted it – well…er…the cake was the wrong color, the Champagne glasses were no where to be seen for our first toast, and the wait staff began to cut the cake before WE cut the cake!!  But, guess what? We didn’t care because we were as giddy as a kid on a magic carpet…suffice to say nothing could have torn the million dollar smiles from our faces, nothing.

How does it feel?   Wonderful.  You see, everything is “right with the world when we are together.”*

* Quote from my vows .

I will be back soon!

XO

Swati

ps Here is a photo of us right after the wedding…

Hi All:

Mandy at Since My Divorce continues to tell my story….this one relates how I started to dip my toes into the land of dating as a single mom (which often made me relaize I was standing in a swamp ) Oh well.  It ended well, didn’t it?

There is also another post about me trying to adjust to single life after my divorce..but unfortunately some things still remain tough.  That’s life – but I do choose to focus on all the gifts I’ve been given.

Thanks again Mandy!

Swati

WOW!   Am I ever thrilled today to share a guest post from eHarmony UK on how to write an internet dating profile.  I was contacted by them and could NOT resist because, as some of you may know, eHarmony holds a special place in my heart…because….as some of you may also know…J. and I met on eHarmony!  And, as he makes my toes tingle and, as we are to be wed on New Years Eve this year (yippeee!) I would say it’s worked out well…now the funny thing is that I always thought it was odd that people could meet online (as evidenced by the fact that I held out until 2008 to try it).  It’s SUCH a personal thing – how does a computer fit into it?

I’m rather traditional when it comes to dating, but, as the article below acknowledges,”having a job and kids to look after does rather restrict the amount of time we can spend loitering around funky independent bookshops and provocatively sipping cocktails in trendy city bars.”  Yup.

In any case, I got frustrated one day because I was doing nothing to find a mate and so I *grudgingly* joined eHarmony  for 30 days.  I still can’t answer how computers mesh with love.  All I know is – it worked!  So, enjoy this article from eHarmony UK and definitely come back to share your adventures with me.

- Swati

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How to Write an Internet Dating Profile, from eHarmony UK

Being a single parent is hard work.  You can end up feeling a tad isolated and it’s compounded by the fact that we get home and, once the kids have gone to bed, we are on our own most of the time. We get up and do “parent” things – take the kids to school, go to work, pick up the kids. It’s not terrible by any stretch of the imagination – the kids are lovely and great company – but it would just be nice to have some regular adult company and perhaps something a little more intimate than a cup of coffee and a moleskin diary to share your hopes and dreams with.

Does this sound like you? If you find yourself in this literal no man’s land, it might be a good idea to try online dating. It has to be something tasteful, mind you. There is part of us that worries the whole thing is a little bit sleazy, but there must be plenty of normal, well-adjusted people online, surely? You’re all lovely people, right?

Having a job and kids to look after does rather restrict the amount of time we can spend loitering around funky independent bookshops and provocatively sipping cocktails in trendy city bars. So, we could to do what we do best these days – get online.

It can be difficult, though, to write an interesting dating profile, and near impossible to describe the man you are looking for. Just how do you stand out from every other person who likes ”evenings-in with a film and a nice glass of red wine”?

Here are some suggestions…

Don’t complain

Don’t moan about work, dating, or anything else that causes you dissatisfaction in your online dating profile, mainly because this kind of negativity is a big turn-off.  Honesty is the best policy – the more realistic you are, the easier it will be for the right kind of person to make contact with you. Sooner or later, any economies with the truth will be revealed!  Consider this little write-up:

“I don’t do this normally but thought I’d give it a shot. I’d like to meet someone who is creative, inspirational and likes cultural activities. I can’t stand people whose idea of a cultural Saturday afternoon is watching football and going down the pub. It’s such a waste of a weekend. I also can’t stand people who like cats, rock music, Star Wars, chicken balti, melon and cheese and onion crisps. I’ve been down a rocky road over the past few years, so I’m looking for someone to get in touch who thinks they can handle a Vivaldi-loving, ambitious, creative and fiery woman.”

No one wants to meet up with a Debbie Downer, so keep the “I’m too cool for school” attitude to a minimum. Usually, negative profiles will contain at least one of the following – “I can’t stand…” or another classic, “I can’t believe I’m doing this, but…” Your profile should look to satisfy someone with similar passions, not make them feel like they’re your last resort!

This would result in a dinner for one, for a long time.

Avoid cliches

Steer clear of the same old descriptions full of banalities such as “I’ve always thought that life is for living”, “I love to laugh” or “I’m looking for someone special” – they mean nothing and make you sound more like a greeting card than a real person with real desires.

“I love watching sunsets on the beach while holding hands” may be the most used cliche in dating profile history. Who doesn’t like this? Find another way to describe yourself that’s unusual and unique.  Read this to see what we mean:

“Not sure what to write here. I guess I love watching sunsets on the beach whilst holding hands. Candlelight dinners and someone that can make me laugh are also qualities I look for. I am also successful, have a great sense of humour, humble, hardworking and am wise enough to make you a priority in my life. Seeking someone real and tired of playing games – I need to meet someone who will introduce me to new things, adore (or put up with) my wacky moods and keep me in line. Very important: a guy whose profile does not include a shirtless photo or a photo of him with his car. Not my type. I am looking for a man who is confident. I’m looking for a guy who likes to plays but can be real. Not a player. I’m looking for a man who is intelligent, funny, handsome, patient, responsible, loyal and that makes me feel safe.”

Not too much to ask for in a potential partner is it…?

Be original

Think about what makes you unique and try to convey that in writing. That’s what will make you stand out and what will make other daters find you attractive!

Being original is good but make sure you don’t go too far! Although you think your profile demonstrates someone with an incredible sense of humour, to others it may sound rather different. Avoid “I’m the one your mother warned you about.” Another gem is: “OK you got my attention now what?” Then there’s my personal favourite: “E=mc² but what equals me?” If you try too hard, you just sound sad or silly. If you think what you write sounds quirky, email it to a friend to see their reaction.  Here’s what we mean:

“I’m the one your mother warned you about. Nice but a little bit naughty, I’d love to show you I’m a sensitive soul with a sassy spirit given the opportunity.  I don’t like to play by the rules. I’m game for something new. If your favourite Muppet is Miss Piggy, there is a good chance that we just won’t get along. Don’t take that the wrong way – she just really annoys me. If you are keen on Kermit, let’s meet up!”

There is a fine line between quirky and just plain oddball!

So, if you feel like you have been through a protracted period of unsuccessful dating lately, try making an online dating profile to make things easier and do a bit of the groundwork for you. If you get a response that shows compatibility with your profile, you are on the right track!
Have fun!

Hi Everyone:

I am SO tickled pink about this!

Today, Rachel Sarah, author of Single Mom Seeking: Playdates, Blind Dates, and Other Dispatches from the Dating World, has included a piece about me and the Single Mothers Chronicles on her blog!  The topic is “A child’s role in your wedding.”

Rachel recently go married herself and her daughter played many important roles on the big day – including being the lead singer in a rockin’ band performance of Don’t Stop Believin’. And, did I mention she’s been fabulously supportive of me in my book writing venture (thanks Rachel!)?

Please do check out  the article – and poke around the rest of her site too!!

Have a super day -

- Swati

p.s.

I’ll be the one with the silly grin on my face all day…:-)

My last post, The Wedding Announcement, made an implication about me – only it wasn’t actually about me.  So I can see how you may be a bit wary of me starting this post with “The Engagement…”

Have I set you up again or will I come through?  Is this post a metaphor or is something actually going to happen around here?!

The.suspense.must.be.killing.you.

Don’t fear, my treasured reader – I am so coming through for you – like a rocket if I do say so myself (to be factual, it’s J. who has come through for us, but why quibble over details when there is a lovely band ‘o love wound around the ring finger of my left paw?)  Meow!

After being a single mom since 2003, I am now engaged and so very happy (yes, you can take a moment to wipe off the gush and sappiness I just slobbered all over you).  Let me say this: when I got divorced, I thought, no way.  Not happening again.

But it did.  And here’s how it went…

J. and I had been talking about getting married “someday” – just ships “sailing in the night,” both wary based on previous “nautical” experiences (am I taking this analogy too far? We both had terrible divorces).

We decided to get engaged towards the end of the year, and we went ring shopping (ok I insisted I had to go because I wanted a wedding band…or two …and no solitaire…and it had to be just right).  Why two?  I need a gold one and platinum one (to wear separately) depending on the rest of the jewelry I wear that day.  Now the funny thing is that I don’t actually wear that much jewelry – but a girl likes her flexibility, know what I mean? (This is about when my girlfriend pointed out that women everywhere were going to follow suit and insist on engagement rings in platinum, gold, pink gold, white gold….and thus I am a trendsetter…which is fine with me).

If I had to guess, J. was pretty psyched…wedding bands only…no big ole’ solitaire to have to sell his first born to afford.  It wasn’t until we went shopping that he realized that the bands needed to be diamond studded.  I love him and his innocence.

At the first store, the sales woman showed us 107 rings for me; then she turned to J. and said, “Would you like to try on some bands too?” And J. came back with “What? Me? No…”  He was in shock and I contemplated throwing my glass of water towards him to bring him back to earth.

At the second store he said he would take a look (7 seconds), no luck.  At the third store,  he looked at just ten rings and was done!

Geez.

I had to go back everywhere and re-try everything four or five times.

Finally, we went to make our final decision…and I fell, hook, line and sinker, in love with three wedding bands, not two.  Two in platinum bands and one in gold.  I stared and stared and stared and repeatedly pointed out how delicious they were.  And then J. said “I’ll take all of them.”  Did I mention I love him?

I burst and did what I imagined Marilyn Monroe would do if presented with such gorgeous gifts – threw my arms around him, gave him a luscious kiss, and cooed at him in a sultry voice (ok fine, I wasn’t anything like her – I was screamy and screechy and I planted a million smooches sloppily all over his face while I babbled away and J. stared at me in shock and mild horror).

In any case, the woman behind the counter said the rings would be sized and ready in three weeks and we said “No big deal” because we weren’t planning to get engaged for a few months.  Apparently when I went to the ladies room, J. told her he needed one of those rings sized by the next day!!

The next day, we went out to dinner to celebrate our two-year dating anniversary and we ate where we had our first proper dinner date (Volare).  I had gotten J. a card and he said he wanted to read it at the bench where we first met for a coffee, near the Chicago River.  Now I am usually the sappy one between the two of us so imagine my happiness that he brought up “our bench”?!  We sauntered over after dinner.

At the bench, he opened my card, and I told him the last years had been wonderful.  And he said, ‘They have been wonderful. We should get married.  Will you marry me?” and he pulled out one of my gorgeously gorgeous wedding bands!

And then I did what I imagined Julia Roberts would…oh hell, no I didn’t.  I squealed again and laughed out loud and stared and wasn’t at all composed as I hugged and kissed him and sputtered half sentences like: “WHAT?!  But how?!  When did you?  But I thought?!  Oh Wow!  Oh my!  WHAT?!”  Then I finally remembered to say YES!

Did I mention I him?  Because I do.

- Swati

Hi Everyone:

I am so happy to have Kelly as a guest writer today.  Kelly O is a choice mom – a single mom of two little angles whom she adopted.  She works in sales the technology industry and her entrance in to the “blogging arena” began as she chronicled the adoptions of her two children at KO’s Talkin’..Ya’ll Should be Listenin’.  Kelly’s goal is to celebrate the mundane and often overwhelming events of day to day Mommy Life.  And guess what?  She is ready to date again after much pondering (My thoughts?  Go Kelly go!  Don’t do it Kelly!  Go Kelly go!)  As you can see, I’ve been of tremendous help to her.  Here are Kelly’s wonderful, silly, torturous musings on jumping back into dating as a single mom:

SINGLE MOM DATING CONUNDRUM

I sincerely want to thank Swati for asking me to be a guest blogger.  It is an honor to be in the company of such a cool and dedicated Mom!

Okay so I am single mom of 7 kids –not really – but it feels like that at times.  I have two girls, one 17 months and one 3 ½.  I have not had a date in, well, a long time.  I am pondering getting back on the horse as they say. It is not as if the men are beating down my door – but I imagine, with some creativity, I could muster up a fella.

Why?  Well there are a number of reasons.  I MISS, really MISS men.  I miss their smell, I miss feeling another body beside me at night. I miss that feeling of comfort when you really know someone and they know you.  And I want that; I want that again.  I want to really love again; I know what it feels like and I want it.  I like being in a relationship; I feel at home in one.   And there is…you know….the hubba hubba – God KNOWS I miss that.

But I am scared – scared of being vulnerable, scared of wasting my time, scared of dating disasters (so so many of these).  I have these flashbacks, flashbacks to when I was dating. An example:  new to Denver I joined Its Just Lunch.  They fixed me up with this… this…. Camper.   He proceeded to tell me over our date how he takes his 15-year-old RV in to a valley in Utah and lives there for … like … weeks …. by himself and eats nuts and critters.  Okay Ted Kacynski – this is not working for me.  I was very clear in my profile; there will be no camping unless I run out of gas.

Then I think, okay maybe I won’t have any more of those “I wish I were invisible” dates.

But then how do you to it…. How do you manage the time?  How do you find time for just the email or phone banter?  What about time to you know… date?  And then what about S….E……X.  I mean I have kids now – where does he stay or does he stay? (Perhaps I should have the actual date before I plan the morning after….). And the babysitter – well she is $15 an hour – I mean it will have to be a helluva of a man for me to cough that up on a routine basis.  Or do you only date rich men and make them pay for the sitter (I like this option)?

So I noodle on the how-to’s of this conundrum.  My mind flips back to a fix up I had a year and a half or so ago with a ex-Marine.  My friend went on and on– he is handsome, nice, smart, etc.  Just about ready for the date and nervous. DING DONG!   Good God that can’t be him… I am meeting him at the restaurant.  It is my friend.  You look great she tells me.  Whew!  Then she whips something out of her pocket:

“Okay I have my tweezers… we need to check for chin hairs”.  Ok then.

We meet (me and the man that is).  He is handsome and nice.  We get on the subject of the pending election (2008).  I tell him I am an Independent.  He says “well how do you justify the SIN of abortion?”  AND… we are done.   Seriously I am Southern, I know all about sins.  Remembering that he had been a fighter pilot I said “well hang on there… weren’t you a fighter pilot?”

“Yes, yes, I was and I see where you are going with this.  But did you know there is a hierarchy of sins?”  And we are double-done-stick-a-fork-in-it-the-goose-is-COOKED.  I paid the sitter $45 for this sermon.

There will be some good ones right, some fun dates?  But where are they?  Where do you find the boys?  I mean do you have to go online?  Can you just go somewhere like where they you hang out (their natural habitat) , maybe a sports bar or a sporting event?  What about Home Depot – there are guys all over that place.

I could try a different venue – a place I don’t normally meet men.  I did that once you know at Barnes and Noble.    There was a guy in the self-help section (my personal favorite).   He was not exactly dressed as my normal stockbroker/lawyer type.  I thought, “well you know Kelly that look has not been all that fruitful for you – so let’s give this a try.”  He says he owns a carpet cleaning business – oh, well that is something, that could be lucrative.

Cut to lunch 3 days later.  I arrive in my business suit.  I see an old SAAB pulling in the parking lot.  It is so heavily loaded it is barely clearing the pavement.  It is about 2002 and I am guessing the SAAB is a 1984.  It is my guy – oh God.   I see a flurry of activity as he CHANGES CLOTHES in his car.  You can see him ransacking through the car –  out he comes in ratty jeans and a wrinkled shirt.  We order lunch and I suggest a booth in the very back in case any of my colleagues come in.  My carpet cleaner proceeds to tell me that he cleans only ONE carpet per day, maybe one every other day – he doesn’t like to be stressed you see.    And he has been living with 4 other people in a house (a commune of sorts) but now… the owner of the house has kicked them out.  Soooooo he just lives out of his car and finds random places to shower.  He, friends, IS HOMELESS.  OMG OMG OMG  This is so not my dream date.

Now I hear that the online services are great.  You always see ads on TV about how I met my soulmate on eHarmony or Match.com.  I did actually try an online dating services a long time ago.  I met a guy; we had a four hour conversation.  We agree to meet.  He tells me “you will not be disappointed”  Jinx!

I am actually excited.  He is tall; which, I like.  We are meeting on a fall day in at a local restaurant.  He walks in sporting a Nantucket Gorton’s fisherman type jacket.

Um….where is the lighthouse?  There are no fish… there is no wharf… Turned off but open.

He proceeds to go on and on for damn ever about how fabulous he is. Where is the 4 hour conversation guy???

I fiddle with my phone under the table and finally make it go off.   “Oh Beth … oh my gosh….I am so sorry… I’ll be right over” – totally made up my escape story – some lifesaving of my friend’s baby thing.  I damn near sprint out – he calls my cell – 5 times.  I finally pick up – “you know… I don’t get it… my sister said I will have all kinds of women because I am so smart and handsome (and did she mention humble?).  You know I don’t think you find me attractive”.  Backpedal – make up excuses.  Hang up – here he comes again.  Has he never been told NO?  He starts again with the you don’t think I am handsome thing…. Well enough is enough..  Finally I had to say “you know… I am sorry, I just don’t … I do not find you attractive.   I cannot help it.  I am a nice person and you pushed me here.  I wish you the best but I am not for you”.  A few more calls and he finally gave up.  Thank God– I hate fish sticks.

I laugh at all of these dating stories now.  So many things I didn’t see coming, so many things I learned.   I AM READY.  The good will outweigh the bad – but you have to get out there, right?  I mean Fed Ex is not going to deliver him to my door.   I seek the counsel of you wise women.  What and how to proceed?

I would love to know what worked and what didn’t, what you liked and what made you want to jump out a window.

Time is of the essence here sisters.  My next call may well be the psychic hotline.

Kelly O.

Her: I hate being in limbo.

Him: Are we in limbo?

Her: Yes we’re in limbo!

Him: What are we in limbo about?

Her: We have two places, two lives, all this back and forth is all keeping our relationship in limbo.

Him: I thought we were…happy?  I’m happy.  I didn’t know we were in limbo

Her: Well cut it OUT! How can you be happy like this?

<Pause. Did I just say “stop being happy” to him? What?  Smile at silliness of my statement…he smiles back.>

Him: I think we should go shopping for a ring in the next few weeks.

Her:    :-)

I am so honored today to have my post, titled Dating Raj featured by my bloggy friend and author, Tiia Jones!  Tiia’s blog focuses on life and dating as a single mom so I went into my diary to write up another tale of woe from my dating files – I think you’ll get some laughs out of it.  Feel free to leave comments at either or both sites – and definitely tell us about your dating days too!

Swati