“Mom, did you know Lauren kissed a boy last year? She didn’t tell her mom so don’t tell her ok?”
Who is Lauren? Who is Lauren?! How old is she? What the hell is going on?
“Umm…do I know Lauren?” Who IS she?! Who IS she?!
“Remember she has blond hair, and blah, blah, blah…?”
She’s THREE years younger than you! And you’re only nine!
“Oh yes. I remember her honey.” Her mom would crap!
“Mom, you know five girls in my class have crushes on Max? They all told him too.”
WHAT?? I was at least eleven or twelve before I told my BFF I had a crush and under NO circumstance was she allowed to share that!
“Really sweetie? He’s a nice boy. Do you have one too?”
Oh God. Oh. God. Oh God.
“No Mom, of course not.” Gorgeous smile, eyes rolling. “Anyway, three girls in my class have already kissed boys. I don’t l think their moms know either.”
What?? It’s not even the boys kissing the girls anymore??! It’s the girls?! I need to sit down. Where the hell is my house?
“Yes…?” Oh my God, this is the longest ten-block walk home ever.
“How old were you when you had your first kiss?”
“I was eighteen.” Don’t laugh. It’s true. She laughs a hearty laugh.
“Umm…how old were you sweetie?”
“Mom, I wasn’t anything. I haven’t had a kiss and I don’t want one!”
THANK YOU GOD!
“Well you know if you ever have a crush or a kiss you can tell me about it okay?”
“I know mom. Last year I told Kelly I had a crush because she did and I didn’t want her to be alone. But really I didn’t.”
Mental note: schedule interrogation of Kelly, purchase ice cream as weapon.
“Well I can understand that. I guess boys and girls start liking each other at different ages which is pretty normal.”
Why the HELL is that normal? You’re just a little kid! A kid with gorgeous, straight, dark hair, huge brown eyes, a perfect year-round tan from the Indian/Irish blend…CRAP!
“I can’t believe you didn’t have a kiss until you were eighteen. That’s funny mom.”
Yeah. Laughing my ass off here.