Kissing Kids, Fainting Mommies

Posted by Swati on Sep 21, 2010 in Meaningful Mommy Moments, Quotes from Kids |

“Mom, did you know Lauren kissed a boy last year? She didn’t tell her mom so don’t tell her ok?”

Who is Lauren? Who is Lauren?! How old is she? What the hell is going on?

“Umm…do I know Lauren?” Who IS she?! Who IS she?!

“Remember she has blond hair, and blah, blah, blah…?”

She’s THREE years younger than you! And you’re only nine!

“Oh yes. I remember her honey.” Her mom would crap!

Breathe.

“Mom, you know five girls in my class have crushes on Max? They all told him too.”

WHAT?? I was at least eleven or twelve before I told my BFF I had a crush and under NO circumstance was she allowed to share that!

“Really sweetie? He’s a nice boy. Do you have one too?”

Oh God. Oh. God. Oh God.

“No Mom, of course not.” Gorgeous smile, eyes rolling. “Anyway, three girls in my class have already kissed boys. I don’t l think their moms know either.”

What?? It’s not even the boys kissing the girls anymore??! It’s the girls?! I need to sit down. Where the hell is my house?

“Mom?”

“Yes…?” Oh my God, this is the longest ten-block walk home ever.

“How old were you when you had your first kiss?”

“I was eighteen.” Don’t laugh. It’s true. She laughs a hearty laugh.

“Umm…how old were you sweetie?”

“Mom, I wasn’t anything. I haven’t had a kiss and I don’t want one!”

THANK YOU GOD!

Oxygenate.

“Well you know if you ever have a crush or a kiss you can tell me about it okay?”

“I know mom. Last year I told Kelly I had a crush because she did and I didn’t want her to be alone. But really I didn’t.”

Mental note: schedule interrogation of Kelly, purchase ice cream as weapon.

“Well I can understand that. I guess boys and girls start liking each other at different ages which is pretty normal.”

Why the HELL is that normal? You’re just a little kid! A kid with gorgeous, straight, dark hair, huge brown eyes, a perfect year-round tan from the Indian/Irish blend…CRAP!

“I can’t believe you didn’t have a kiss until you were eighteen. That’s funny mom.”

Yeah. Laughing my ass off here.

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24 Comments

  • That One Mom says:

    My daughter just turned 10 and has been boy crazy for YEARS. I’m ok with crushes, but I draw the line at kissing!

  • Rebecca says:

    I am so with you! We won’t even talk about my advanced age of my first kiss, suffice to say I was socially backward – and yet that backward gene pool clearly did not get passed on to my FIRST grade daughter who is reporting the same conversations with me! Could we please slow life down for our kids? Please!

  • lauren s. says:

    Um. well. I think I am actually scarred after reading this – I have 3 girls. At the ripe old age of 6 Isabella informed me that all of her friends have boyfriends….we didn’t discuss kissing….must go home now – I wonder how hard it will be to home school….I’ll let you know.

  • Swati says:

    OH MY GOD. None of you said “it’ll pass, we have no idea what you are talking about. just ignore it.” You mean it’s RAMPANT!!??? What time does it have to be before I can have a glass of wine?

    That One Mom: do you think we can rub MACE in their lips without them knowing it?

    Rebecca: I was not allowed to date…however, I was also a total DORK! So, I’m thinking it had nothing to do with the “no dating” rule!

    Lauren: I JUST got a boyfriend 2 years ago! What’s up with the 6 year olds hogging up boyz?

    ACK!

    Swati

  • debbie says:

    this post made me laugh out loud….I can so relate..and so wish I could not!!:)

  • Swati says:

    Debbie – I know I wrote it – but same here!
    Swati

  • Kelly Ozley says:

    SHUT UP — kissing @ 6. I loved and hated this post. I am a-scared. I am drinking now. Seriously they are kissing? That scares me to death. How small do they make chastity belts these days?

    Loved the way you told it — priceless. You will laugh about this one day… like in 25 years. :-)

  • Swati says:

    Yup – I will laugh. Like when she has a daughter!! Or maybe I’ll be insane by the time she is 16 and therefore laughing much earlier? Hmm…

    Swati

  • Erin says:

    So similar to a conversation my daughter had with me, only she was more asking for my advice (as if I’d know anything about dating – being a single mom for 9 years – hello!) and when my first kiss was (you REALLY don’t want to know – very late bloomer – but I was asked to elope with someone in 5th grade), and when my first “date” was (movie at 17, no touching, not even arm rests), and I ended up telling her, “I really don’t think I am the best example to give you of when to do all these things, so let me think on it and get back to you.” I talked to some other moms and came up with 17 for dating. Who knows why. Well, all I can say is I’m glad my local children’s hospital has ongoing Tween workshops for Moms/Daughters, Fathers/Sons from age 10-14. I plan to register us the next time she asks.

  • Swati says:

    Erin – that’s so interesting your local hospital has a workshop on this! You’ll have to tell me about it. I hope they serve wine to help you :-) . I wonder if we can get our kids to wait until next Saturday before they move out?? Sheesh!

    Swati

  • KLZ says:

    You know what else is funny? 13 year olds having sex! 6 year olds with condoms!

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Wait, what? WTF?

    Kids these days. Or, parents these days. I’m not sure.

  • CJ says:

    Girl – I UNDERSTAND…my son had a “girlfriend” last year. He is 8. Of course it was harmless and I realized after hours of talking about it (spread over several days) it was innocent and didn’t mean anything. But still. One one hand it is funny and “cute” but on the other hand, I think it speaks to the “Sexualization” (if that is a word) of our kids. We just have to be aware and let our kids know that they can always talk about anything with us. And the only way to do that is just how you did with your daughter – panic on the inside!!!! You can’t make a huge deal about it, or betray their trust or they will never tell you anything.
    CJ

  • CJ says:

    Let me also add, I was last of the mohicans as fara s my friends were concerned. I was a college freshman before I kissed a boy! I once had a panic attack because I was at a grown up party with “boys”. I was 17.

    CJ

  • Swati says:

    KLZ – WTF is RIGHT!!!

    CJ – A girlfriend??? ACk – how do they know everything already?? Ok – back to panicking on the inside now…!

    Swati

  • Why can’t they wait longer for all this? I would react the same way!

    Debbie

  • liz says:

    You like “asshat” and I dig “oxygenate.” it’s my new favorite word.

  • Swati says:

    Haha Liz – let’s come up with our own much more life-relevant dictionary!

    Swati

  • Marla says:

    Congratulations, Swati! Sounds like you did a fabulous job of opening up what will (hopefully) be an ongoing conversation :) Let me recommend “From Diapers to Dating” by Debra Haffner and “It’s not the Stork” and/or “It’s Perfectly Normal” by Robie Harris in case you’re looking for resources on this journey. Take a deep breath and enjoy the ride!

    Marla

  • Swati says:

    Marla!! So godo to hear from you! I did pick up It’s not the Stork from your earlier recommendation (oh god oh god oh god)…and I few other books – I’ve gotta write a post about it but basically, I just read through the whole thing with her so I wouldn’t pause and fill sentences with uh’s and um’s instead of actual nouns and verbs! (Ok still hesitated on the verbs if you know what I mean :-0!

    Swati

  • Vivianne says:

    Waaaaa? My daughter will soon be 12, need I worry now? My goodness that is so young! You are in trouble, Swati! As far as my daughter knows, I didnt even think about boys until I was 21. I’m hoping to keep that going for as long as I can. (I know, I’m deluding myself.)

  • Jenn says:

    Umm. Wait. Nu Uh. You did not say that little girl was six. Let me re-read that.

    Okay, you did say six. Well, hell. My daughter is turning six in a couple of weeks. Really? It’s time to worry about this? Didn’t I just, like, potty train her? I guess that was a couple of years ago…or more like four years….still.

    I. Am. Not. Ready.

    And, now so scared.

  • don says:

    Good humorous read.

    Brought a smile to my face. Thanks for sharing.

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