Dating Raj
I am so honored today to have my post, titled Dating Raj featured by my bloggy friend and author, Tiia Jones! Tiia’s blog focuses on life and dating as a single mom so I went into my diary to write up another tale of woe from my dating files – I think you’ll get some laughs out of it. Feel free to leave comments at either or both sites – and definitely tell us about your dating days too!
Swati
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I am rather despondent about dating, having not been in any relationship in 5 years but online dating quite a bit in the 9 years of my single parenthood. A month ago I met (online first and then 4 hours in person) someone who was absolutely “it” for me – the most powerful connection I ever experienced in my adult life – you know the kind from movies/books where you just can’t explain it but you feel you have known him for 50 years or lifetimes. You even write a poem about the 4 hours you spent in each other’s presence, the first time you’ve ever done that, and then blammo! you come to learn he has no shared sense of connection/attachment. I’ve worked for weeks on letting this go into the realm of “just another friendly soul who crossed my path,” but it really sucks.
Here is what I jotted down in response to a male acquaintance who claimed all women are looking for that shining prince on a white horse:
First of all, a white horse would never do – I’m allergic to horses!
What I personally want is a man who is able to listen, able to be vulnerable and have some insight into himself, give me a place to be vulnerable, able to talk/think/share his ideas and dreams, and able to get in the garden and work side by side with me. . . or go on treks with me. . . or complete the Oregon Coast Trail with me (a dream I’ve long had). Simple stuff. Companionship in the trenches. Someone who knows what it’s like to be a parent and put a child’s needs first. Someone who allows me to nurture and encourage him as he does me. Someone who physically challenges me because that has become more and more important in my life over the past years, yet is understanding enough to applaud how far I’ve come from spending a childhood/youth that exempted me from my true nature as an athlete with asthma and confinement in a back brace. . . in other words athletic but not competitively demeaning. Do you think this describes a prince? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t care if he had friendships and community involvement outside “us” and I wouldn’t even care if his enjoyment in life was different than mine – like watching TV sports all day. . . as long as he was able to do any of the above with me as well. And lastly, I would not expect him to support me financially, as I am not seeking to “dig for gold” in a man but rather have support from him to continue to explore and fashion my own livelihood path, which seems to be getting closer every day to my dream of working within some nonprofit organization that allows me service to others.
Well, thanks for giving me a place to jot this down. I never have. You know all that Law of Attraction stuff that’s so in vogue with The Secret? Well. . . may we receive all the abundance of love and companionship the universe has for us.
Erin: First, I am so sorry to hear about that 4 hour date. It makes me sad and I just think the world of you so I cannot imagine it.
Second, you always move me so much with your comments…it’s both what you write and how you write it. A childhood in a back brace…I’m just at a loss for how much emotion you must be feeling.
I hope someday you blog broadly and take a stab at some articles or maybe even a book. It always always stops me in my tracks when I read your thoughts.
XO – Swati
I just went and read your story….and it reinforced my stance that if anything should ever happen to my marriage (divorce, death, Hubs falling into a ditch because he was pushed out of my car), I won’t be dating.
I never really cherished alone time and decision making as much as I do now. And that’s because I never get alone time and I feel obligated to share decision making. Go figure. Love my Hubs, love my kids….no more dating. Men are…well…men.
And I think I’ll just skip around to all my girlfriends and have girl nights out, get the male attention wherever we end up, and then go home.
And spread eagle in the bed with no snoring or tossing and turning to put up with.
Did I mention I really do love my Hubs and kids? Because I do.
Tooje – I almost spit out my sip of water laughing at the “spread eagle in the bed…” part!! I am not sure what the heck made me want to date – probably the movies depicting just how “perfect” it can all be – haha….!
Swati
I read your story and enjoyed it. Too bad you didn’t trust your first instinct but at least you got some blog fodder out of it!
I know Tracie – sheesh – when will I learn to listen to my gut!!? (two years ago, at age 40 I learned…ok well most of the time anyway….)
Swati
I read your story, too. It was nice of you to give Raj a second chance, but I don’t blame you for passing on that relationship! Dating stinks, but how else are you going to find out if there is a connection with someone?
I think we’ve all been there. I recently met a guy on a business trip. When I returned to Chicago, I gave him a call and during our thirty minute conversation, he didn’t ask me one thing about myself. I never called him again. lol And apparently he got the hint…which always makes disappearing easier! lol