Humping: An Eight-Year-Old’s Inquisition

Episode I: 6 weeks ago at PAWS Animal Shelter

“Mom, come look at how cute these dogs are!”

“Where Honey?”

“Right there! They’re dancing and one doggie has his paws on the other doggie’s hips from behind and they’re bouncing – it’s so cute!”

<Unmistakable, not so muffled giggle of other onlookers>

“Err…”  drag kid away to whisper: “Ummm…sweetie, remember that story from your reading book from school about the grasshoppers mating…?”

<Kid looks horrified; will need therapy in her twenties…>

Episode 2: Last week, on a walk with Orzo the Dog, my little miss, J., and his daughter

“Mom, are we getting Orzo that operation the vet talked about?”

“You mean neutering?  Yes honey, we are.”

“Well why?”

“Because…ummm…well we don’t want him humping and we aren’t going to try to have more puppies.”

“So will the doctor take his hump away?”

Decide to say to pass it off to J. as the answer could be yes or no, and we are now partnering as a single mom and single dad, aren’t we? ….”Honey, you are missing out on a spectacular conversation.  My little miss wants to know if the doctor is going to take Orzo’s hump away and I am not sure if I should say yes or no…what do you think?”

“I think she should ask her dad.”

<Plan to start a savings account Monday for future therapy needs for all of us>

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23 Comments

  • Hilarious! I saw two squirrels “dancing” a few years ago, and I’m still traumatized by that…

  • Swati says:

    Haha – I know Peryl….I’ve figured out I am just uptight about nature!!
    :-)
    Swati

  • Tracie says:

    LOL! Years ago we were at the zoo when the turtles started mating and a whole group of small children were gathered around watching. Their play-by-pay was hilarious.

  • Benedicte says:

    Last fall, we saw two lamas doing it in the zoo. The male lama would not leave this poor female lama alone. She looked so annoyd with him. It was like she was screaming: just leave me alone. It was so funnt and sad at the same time.

  • Tiia Jones says:

    You think that’s bad, one day at the zoo we say the giraffes getting busy. I think I am STILL traumatized by that one. Leah tells people that’s why she’s waiting to have a serious boyfriend–the giraffes were so disturbing. The llamas are funny too…I have a good mental picture.

    I don’t think therapy will be necessary.

  • Swati says:

    Ok Tracie I have admit some curiousity about the turtles…I mean there’s those shells so do they shed them or do they…?
    :)
    Swati

  • Swati says:

    Benedicte: I think we can all relate to that female Llama – haha!!!

    Tiia: see now I’m just as curious about the giraffes because of the sheer *size* of their…necks!! Turtles, Llamas, Giraffes, oh my!!

    Swati

  • I’d have been rather tempted to just go along with it being a lovely dance. That dog just loves to dance!

  • liz says:

    “Will the doctor takes his hump away?” HAHAHAHAHA! Now THAT’S a quote for all time!

    Our innocent, sweet kids!!!

  • Amber says:

    Oh my! Ha! We visit a duck pond frequently and those male ducks are very, violently, frisky! I am SO glad my daughter is not old enough to ask questions.

  • Haha! I remember when we got our first dog years ago, it humped our daughter relentlessly! We would say ‘no humping, puppy!’ We were soo embarassed, because everytime we took it for a walk, my daughter would tell everyone that it ‘homps’ her. OMG

  • Swati says:

    Joey – you are so right! Why didn’t I just do a 2-step?!! haha!!

    Liz – My daughter will probably KILL me when she grows older and sees this post…but you are right, I needed to preserve it for future laughs and prom dates!

    Swati

  • Swati says:

    Amber – I am *so happy* to never have seen male ducks at it!!! Thanks for the warning!!

    Hear Mum Roar – I burst out laughing at your comment (people at Starbucks think I am strange) – of course they HAVE to tell people what happens in the privacy of home – haha!! I am going to adopt “Homping”!

    Swati

  • lauren s. says:

    too funny – the other day Isabella asked what movie I saw, and I told her “And the City” and she replied, you mean Sex & the City” and I said, “yes, sweetie, that what I said”, to which she replied, ” no you said “And the City”….wait two beats, ” Mom what does that word “sex” mean….I may need therapy in twenty years too….maybe your daughter and I can go together :)

  • Swati says:

    LOL Lauren!!! Yikes!! I wonder if you can get away with “Well sex is male or female and this move was about men and women in the city…do you want ice cream now?”

    ps I still haven’t seen it – did you like it?? miss you!

  • Okay, I’m a work and laughed so hard. That’s hysterical!
    The things our kids say & ask that we have to figure out
    how to answer!

  • Joy says:

    Wait until they start asking about where human babies come from… I thought that it was to cute though that she thought they were “dancing” and “bouncing”.

  • Swati says:

    Oh I’ve gotten the babies question too (and I am not bragging) – I had to buy a book because I kept using adjectives and No verbs and NO nouns and I made no sense!! It was awful!!

    Swati

  • I must say that was handled pretty well. I would have stuck to the dancing story. lol

  • Swati says:

    You are right Nicole – dancing sounds better – even to me!!

    Swati

  • lauren s. says:

    miss you right back…:) and yes, I tried the gender deal…she so wasn’t buying it – I asked her what she thought it was and she said it was when “big people kiss”….and then, I offered her a freeze pop….

    I did like the movie, I know it got bad removed, but the storylines around Charlotte & Miranda and motherhood were good – totally relatable….and the fashion….so fun to look at!!

  • Swati says:

    haha! you gave her a freezer pop – I love it!! I guess you’ll be at Cosco getting the big box as of freezer pops as the questions become more frequent!!

    Swati

  • Couldnt agree more with that, very attractive article

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