The Relationship – Chapter One (a very short story)

Posted by Swati on Mar 1, 2010 in Short Stories |

She looked up at him, eyes filling.  He glanced back at her, and quickly shifted his gaze away.   She blinked her tears back.

Neither spoke.  She began to watch a small piece of fuzz floating peacefully to the couch.   Her mind wandered to another time, another man.  Tom.  Tom was warm and kind.  He had walked her to her car after their last group study session because it was getting dark.  She could still see every detail of Tom’s welcoming, smiling face and slightly balding hairline in her mind.  She wondered where he was now, what had happened in his life.

“God, I don’t know how I can be such an asshole sometimes.  I didn’t mean it, okay?” he said, still not looking at her.

“Okay,” she whispered, not looking at him either.

They had dated for five years and planned to be married in the summer.

She was depleted; not just from this round, but from the collective exhaustion of this same conversation repeating itself for the last 1,825 days.  His bitter, explosive personality; the immediate, begging apology.  Her compliant reply.

Sometimes they were so happy together.

She got up to make dinner.  After all, this was how their relationship worked.

The Relationship (links to all chapters below)

Chapter One http://tinyurl.com/yhou79l

Chapter Two http://tinyurl.com/yksuuvn

Chapter Three http://tinyurl.com/ygurdm6

Chapter Four http://tinyurl.com/yzbeolz

Chapter Five http://tinyurl.com/yfewu4r

Chapter Six http://tinyurl.com/yzdwro8

Chapter Seven http://tinyurl.com/ykh2982

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22 Comments

  • Heather says:

    This is great Swati! Is there more? Because you left me wanting more, which is definitely a sign of effective story-telling. I love the paragraph that started with “She was depleted.” Vivid, but to-the-point. I could almost envision the couple and what they are going through. Thanks for sharing and keep up the great writing!

  • Swati says:

    Thanks Heather – I appreciate the feedback! It’s my 1st short story…and it was fun to write, but exhausting too! I’m glad you liked it.
    Swati

  • Mayra says:

    Love it!!

    It depicts quite clearly what happens in some relationships every day.

    Would love to read more. =)

  • Danielle says:

    Swati – that was terrific! It was a snippet from their lives, but told so much of what their lives are about as a couple.

  • phersmay says:

    Hi there!
    We have been following eachothers blogs for sometime now, and I am looking forward to stay connected. Looks wonderfully inspiring and creative in here!!! Fantastic!

  • Jillian says:

    Hi Swati,

    It’s amazing how a story can tell so much, if written well, by saying so little.

    The emotion and descriptive truth behind bad relationships was portrayed wonderfully!

    I think you should write more and more and more!

  • Tina says:

    Hi! This was an awesome beginning! I love it and can’t wait to see where you take us.

  • mrsblogalot says:

    Swati, this got me right away.

    I would love to read more! Great job!

  • paula says:

    Great work, Swati. There are so many places that that story can go to. Great job.

  • Vivianne says:

    I really liked this Swati! It was definitely left me wanting more.

  • Sandy M says:

    Found you via MBC and really like your blog.

    Follow me back at: http://lilmaddiesmeemaw.blogspot.com/

    We’ll get to 200 followers together. :)

  • Karen says:

    Wow! Swati, it seems like you had a camera up in my house retelling what was lived & seen throughout my marriage. As I read this short story I was literally having flashbacks of those moments throughout my former relationship. You did such a great job!

    Much Luv,
    Karen

  • Beth says:

    Swati-

    You are very talented. I believe the art of good writing stems from the ability to say more with less words. You have certainly accomplished that here. I, too, am left wanting more. Best of luck.

  • Lucy says:

    Great writing. I could see the whole picture. Too bad that this is the day to day for some.

  • Swati says:

    Thanks everyone for your thoughts and for weighing in – it’s good to hear you could “feel” it!
    XO – - Swati

  • Robin says:

    Oh geez….relationships….!

  • Deb K says:

    Great Writing!

    I am now following you from MBC FFF!

    http://debshere.blogspot.com/

  • Seriously, though, waiting for more…

    More?

    Please?

    Peryl

  • Brianne says:

    I agree with Danielle. I want more too!! Hope you share.

  • jing lejano says:

    I want more, more, more!!! :)

  • Swati says:

    It’s wonderful hear all of you ask for more!! My daughter was sick this week so I barely wrote a thing…will get at it today though.

    XO – Swati

  • Naomi says:

    Swati!!! Loved this story. It’s marvelous. I’m sorry I’ve been MIA lately. This whole agent thing is killing me. Not to complain, of course. I’m very happy, but just hanging together by shoestrings. In the middle of everything, I’ve had nonstop out of town visitors and all kinds of other family drama. I hope things are well for you. I felt like I saw you post a couple of links on Aspiring Writers recently that I didnt’ get a chance to read. I would love to check them out. Would you mind sending them to me: Sorry I’ve been such a total flake!! I adore you and your awesome writing. XOXOXOXXOX

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