Grumpy Single Mom on Valentine’s Day

Posted by Swati on Feb 14, 2010 in Divorce, Meaningful Mommy Moments, Random Thoughts |

We began Valentine’s Day arguing.  Me and my little Moose, not me and J.  (Actually, J. and I had a *romantic* dinner Friday night, when neither of our urchins were around at a delicious place called Les Nomades).

But I digress from my tale of grumpiness.

The arguing with my daughter this morning.  Grrr.  Happens almost every Sunday morning.  See, she spends every Sunday at her dad’s and never wants to get moving to head there. I remind her that I don’t like hurrying her along – but I am obligated to get her there at 9:00am.  On cue, she doesn’t do a thing; she just sits on the couch, refusing to finish getting dressed, brush her hair or whatever activity I’ve just asked her to do.  Repeat this. Every Sunday.  Her dad is often not nice to her (and he’s always not nice to me) so I don’t blame her.  I wouldn’t want to go there either.  But I have to send her over there anyhow.  GROWL.

This morning was especially grump-inducing because we had an incident.  I was sitting next to her on the couch telling her to get moving, and, as I started to get up, she flung her arm in front of me to stop me from mobilizing.  Unfortunately, she had the TV remote in hand, which struck my cheekbone full on, like a hammer posed perpendicularly to strike my face.

You have never heard a real GROWL unless you have heard it coming from Mama Bear.  The air went still.  Under his breath, J. said “Uh…oh.”   Every muscle in my daughter’s body froze and she quickly said, ”I’msorrybutitwasanaccident!”

“Get. Dressed. Now.”  I growled in a loud whisper that was not a whisper at all.

She got dressed.

She doesn’t want to go, and I don’t want to send her.  But I have to.  And for some reason, this Sunday, I just couldn’t shake it off – the unfairness of it.

As were we leaving, she said, “Mom, will Daddy ever be nice to you?”  And I replied, “I don’t know Honey; but that doesn’t matter.  What matters is making sure he’s nice to you.”

It didn’t help much, but that’s all I had.

She quietly considered my response as we drove over to her dad’s apartment.

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  • Mary Kidder says:

    Swati…I know it must STILL be very hard for both of you…I hope things getter better soon! I hope you don’t have any bruises!!! Mary

  • That’s a difficult morning. I can imagine it’s really hard to send her to her dad’s and hard to put up with her behavior on a weekly basis. It’s interesting that she’s worried about how your ex treats you — you’ve raised an empathetic child.

    I think your answer to your daughter was perfect — you didn’t drag her into the issue of how her father treats you, you redirected her to her own relationship with her father. She’s a lucky girl to have a mom like you — many moms would have taken it as an opportunity to bad mouth their ex.

    As for losing your temper when you get injured — I have a real problem with that. I’m not even sure why it upsets me so much, but I just lose it (mostly internally) when he hits me, steps on me, etc. etc. — even when it’s an accident.

  • Swati says:

    Hi Mary:
    Thankfully, I have no bruises: besides in my HEART! (hear the violin?)

    Hi Los Angeles Single Mama: Thanks for the kind words. And I am relieved to hear you say how much it bothers you too when your son strikes out (even as an accident). I get so mad…every time…


  • April says:

    Ugh, the amount of parental abuse that we endure…Hope your day got better!

  • Swati says:

    Hi April – thanks for coming by. Luckily, there was a new day around the corner :-).

  • Naomi says:

    I’m so sorry, Swati. What a difficult situation. It is always hard to make your kids do things that you don’t really feel good about, but in this situation you have no choice since it’s her father. That must be so hard. I hope things get better and her dad gets a better attitude. And I hope your face feels better too!

  • Jillian says:

    Hello Swati,

    I can only imagine how difficult it must be to share your daughter with somebody who you do not particularly like and I am sorry for that.

    I am constantly getting hurt by my children. I do my best to stay away from their heads that could jerk up any moment to butt me in the face and as for wrestling, I need to start lifting weights again so that I will not be taken down!

  • I truly don’t know how single mothers do it. It must take a lot of grace (and plenty of coffee, I might add). With four boys, I shudder to think of leading the tribe by myself.

    Thank you so much for stopping by to read the column. Best wishes!

  • Swati says:

    Naomi, Jillian and Rhonda: Thanks for the virtual TLC…

  • Mayra says:

    I hope the days to come are better. I know just how hard it is raising a child alone. The dad isn’t involved and I cannot imagine going through soemthing like that of not wanting to send my baby off, but having to. =(. HUGS

    I gave you an award on my blog. =)

  • mrsblogalot says:

    I can imagine nothing worse for a mother than these hurtful mornings.

    My mother did it alone with the two of us and she will forever wear the crown in my eyes.

    Take heart that your daughter might very well say the same one day (-:


  • Swati says:

    Hi Mayra: Thanks for the award – you are so sweet and I so appreciate your thoughtful comment.

    Mrsblogalot: Thank you so much for sharing your comment about your mom; that gives me hope that it’ll be better once my daughter is older – and she’ll know the scoop. Kudos to your mom, the Super Single Mom Queen!


  • IASoupMama says:

    Hi, Swati, I followed you from MBC and have been enjoying what I’m reading so far! I did not, however, enjoy hearing about your tough Sunday morning — I’m so sorry that is such a struggle… I think you handled the situation very well. Your daughter will appreciate it for her entire life…

  • Swati says:

    Thank you IASOupMama for your bloggy support. It’s very sweet and I appreciate it. By the way – I enjoy your blog too!

  • Benedicte says:

    Oh, I am so sorry about your Sunday morning. You are an amazing mom and your little D is so lucky to have you.

  • This is hilarious, and so very, very true. My kids are four and two, and I still find myself doing things like putting my keys in the microwave.

    Thanks for the sweet note on mbc!


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