Are You Ready to Date?
Are you ready to date? How do you know? Worry not. I’ve provided three fool-proof scenarios to help you figure out that conundrum. These work whether you are a single mom, single dad, or single sans kids.
1) A man asks you out. This annoys you. (Consider staying home. I don’t think you’re ready.)
2) You publicly tell everyone you are ready to go out and fall in love. In a supreme display of compartmentalization, you spend every free moment on your couch, in pajamas, eating takeout and ice cream. (Nope, you’re still not ready…and you are lying to your friends – but doing a great job taking care of yourself. You get a gold star for that.)
3) You go to brunch with your closest girlfriends and everyone decides to take a turn telling stories about online dating. Here’s what you hear:
- “His profile said he was about 6’1, but he was eye to eye with my *neckline* at almost 5 foot!”
- “Well the guy I went out with looked at the check and said I had more to eat than him, plus wine, so I should pay more than half…”
- “When my date set up our evening plans, he said he’d pick me up in his car…and he did – but his passenger door didn’t open so I had to pick between sliding through the window or crawling over him to get in…(sigh)”
- “Before our salad even arrived, he started telling me how he was suing his seventy-three-year-old mother.”
- “This guy actually told me to Google him so I could fully appreciate all that he’s accomplished!”
You listen to all this with a smile and go right home and set up your online profile. (You are definitely ready to start dating. Nothing will stop you. Or maybe you’re nuts? It’s hard to tell.)
By the way, the dating stories in #3 are all true – and the last 2 stories happened to me. I kept dating anyway (because I was either ready or I was nuts).
- Swati
19 Comments
Leave a Reply
-
More Ways to SUBSCRIBE
I once met a guy for a blind date in a mall parking lot with a zillion of those god-awful chain restaurants. Guess where he chose to eat? …a place called “Twin Peaks” where the girls walk around in short shorts and flannel shirts tied up high in the front. He stared at their behinds all night, saying things like, “What do you think she has in her back pocket? Is that a coaster or her wallet? Whatever it is, it really shows through her shorts.”
What????
Then, when the check came, he said, “Go ahead and pretend to go to the bathroom or something so I’ll have to pay. I’m used to it.” What a jerk!
I replied with, “Yeah, let’s skip the games. You go ahead and pay the $2.50 for my beer.”
At that time, I thought I was ready to date. I probably was, but that night set me back another 6 months. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Bad memory. But funny!
WHAT?? It shows through her shorts?! Ugh…you poor thing! LOL! I can’t believe he thought that was going to be a “good” date!
- Swati
I like your post. I met a guy online once (what was I thinking) and he came over and asked for a drink before bowling (before 4pm) and then had 3 beers at the bowling alley. Then when we went back to my place for dinner, he kept asking for more alcohol. He was too drunk to drive, and kept asking if he could just ‘hold me’ while he slept it off. I told him he could pass out on the couch, and leave when I was ready for bed. And he did!
Thanks for stopping by my blog! Where is that list of iPhone apps you were talking about?
Tami
Oh my word!! Suing his own mom? There’s a story there. Just not first-date fodder for sure.
I’m guessing he probably wonders why he’s still single?
Oy vey.
Hi Em: Yeah, he was suing her and the tale just went downhill from there (in case you thought we were at rock bottom)….
Hi Tami: All I can say is, I’m glad he left. Er…sounds like he was practiced at this!
Swati
Hi Swati,
Just stopping by to follow you back from MBC. Thank you for stopping by to say hello.
Felissa
That was hilarious! I am soooo glad those days are over for me! I don’t think I was ever brave enough to try online dating!
Why are there so many lame men out there? I mean really, I have rarely met a woman I didn’t like..as for the men, before I met my husband?….it’s all in the book.
Very funny post Swati! I guess they need to be screened more carefully before wasting your time.
Great post!! Dating again after being married was so strange and it isnt any easier for a guy. For all the crazy guys out there, there is at least as many women who are just as “not ready to be dating”. So often, I walked away from the first date questioning whether I should have been more awake in my psych class during the abnormal behavior lecture or become a therapist! All i wanted was to have a little fun. Keep up the great posts.
OMG! This is a great post. I’m married so my dating days are over for now. oh if this is what dating is like now please God I dont want to be single again! LOL
stopping by from MBC. now a follower! have a great weekend.
Hi, Im stopping by from MBC following you
Hi Swati…This is what I love lately about blogging I was able to meet a lot of interesting people on the net (blogging since 2007 but getting serious only lately when I become jobless hehe)and I think you are one of them. Your Post are nice and informative I love them. Reading them now and lots of tips to learn specially if in a relationship…By the way thanks for visiting and your comments it made my day hehe…
PS.
I am a librarian by profession can you give me some tips how to review some books so i can receive free copies hehehe . Its been a while since I never practice it. Thanks and God Bless. currently reading your old post hehehe They are sooooo nice
Hi Loveleng:
Thanks for coming by my blog! You know I’m not certain how the publishers/publicists found me (I’m sure it’s my superior writing (-: )! It seems though that once I did one review, a ton more found me!
I bet if you do one online, they’ll find you too. You are right though – it’s kind of nice getting those books for free!!
Swati
Swati, This post was so hilarious!!! It made me think about all the losers I dated before I met my sweet hubby. One of whom I moved to Texas for because he asked me to marry him. After living with him and HIS MOM for 6 months, things seemed weird between us so I asked what was up. He told me, “Yeah…I don’t think it’s going to work out after all. And I’m gonna need that ring back.” WTF???? Seriously. And on top of it, this engagement ring was the most hideous piece of crap you could ever imagine. He was such a cheap jerk. He breaks up with me after making me move halfway across the country and then asks for his ugly ring? You gotta be kidding. Strange enough…I was really not looking to date at all after that major fiasco. But I stumbled upon my future hubster and we fell in love. Nine years later we are happily married still, hemmoroids, fat rolls, and everything. So funny how love takes it’s own course. Great post, as always!!!!
love your blog…im a follower! hope you follow me back!
Love at First Font and Paint by Numbers
Here’s a 30-second look at my 2 years of online dating experience:
– People’s “stats” (height, weight, eye color, shoe size, dare I say astrological sign) have very little to do with a satisfying date and exclude many people from finding someone who actually might be a good match for them. I can’t wait for a service that sets all those stats aside and instead exchanges 1st impressions based on how much you did to make your world a better place this year.
– If you see the same person’s photo up for 2 years, chances are good they attend Sex Addicts Anonymous (I dated someone who attended his 1st meeting immediately after my date; glad I could help).
– If you are driving 90 miles to your date following a car with a bumper sticker that reads “I Dig Scrawny White Guys,” do not assume this is an omen for a fabulous relationship with your scrawny white guy.
– When someone says they are emotionally, financially and spiritually stable, remember that thing your mother told you if something sounds too good to be true.
– There ought to be a dating service for those like me who are told they are not big enough to be a BBW (big beautiful woman) but carry some extra poundage, are not star quality but not Butt Ugly, are modestly intelligent and want to serve humanity but have a little trouble with the Jesus saving us all part of Christianity.
– If you live on an island, cannot afford to move off the island, yet all the people you date off the island won’t maintain a relationship because you are on an island, you have a problem.
– I may be in the minority, but since I type 120 wpm and make my living with written words, my tolerance for typos is so low I may not be able to ever find a perfect match online.
– If you find yourself in a coffee shop with someone who you learn is there because they cannot afford to heat their home, don’t give them firewood and sleep with them to warm them up, but rather give them firewood and run!
– If you post you are tolerant of ethnic differences as I have, you may find yourself in a situation where that person can never imagine being able to introduce you to his family, and if he can’t stomach introducing you to his family, then what you have is a one night stand. Just because an individual is intrigued by difference does not mean the people most important to him are.
– There really needs to be a matching service for the 3 people out there who really can’t Must Love Dogs, because then someone like me who would go into anaphylactic shock dating someone with a dog could actually meet someone.
– If you listen to the advice columns for Chemistry.com, Match.com, eHarmony, or the lack of advice of Craigslist and you still don’t have any takers, you may find yourself living in your basement, alone for years, becoming the neighborhood “crazy cat lady” – only without cats – did I mention I’m allergic to cats as well as dogs?
OMG Erin – hilarious (and wow, it’s amazing what we can learn in just TWO years!!). Love the one about seeing someone’s photo online for 2 years – LOL!!
!
Swati
p.s. 120 wpm?! I can’t type….however, I am certain you are a BW (that would be bodacious woman), as all single moms are
had to laugh – followed a link on Twitter from singlemommyhood.
The only crap dating experience I had (mainly because I was scared before actual meeting with some beauties, no doubt) I was bombarded with why his ex was a bitch, all the women at his daughter’s school were bitches, every woman he had dated were bitches – I stepped up to the plate and no doubt became the next bitch on his roll, because I didn’t return any calls…
BTW – I married a man from an online dating site and have just had a baby, so sometimes there are gems.